Hi guys, been a while since I could get onto EC! Let's get started then.... I am closeted except to two friends and basically everyone online. This year, a boy a year older than me joined marching band. This was already a surprise since he's friends with a lot of the cisgender straight white guys. Turns out he's actually very nice, a bit shy and well I started to pick up some signs IMO. First of all, we know each other vaguely and I noticed him looking at me a lot whenever we were near each other at band camp. The last night also, he was joking around and said he loved my friend more than anyone here "except for him" as he pointed at me. Then we kinda just had a short convo where he was trying to remember my last name and I was playing around with him because of it. Then on the way home, we sat kind of across from each other on the bus and we made eye contact a few times. He dresses kinda flamboyantly/almost hipster like and reacts to jokes made about performing sexual acts from other guys just like I do which is to just say you'd like it (when you actually would ). Then at school, I saw him in the hallways recently and he looked at me a lot even in the middle of a conversation with other people. My friend who knows about this gave me his number and I came up with a BS reason to text him which I did briefly and he was very nice. I'm going to try to sit with him and my friend on the way to the our first game Friday, and I'll be seeing him a ton after school. My question is: I feel like he's gay or bi at the least, but since he's friends with all the straight guys he might repress it. A lot. Which means he wouldn't want to accept these feelings. Should I try to pursue? Or try someone else who I also like but might also still be in the "discovering" phase. Thanks! (!)
At the moment you hardly know him, so I'd just make more of an effort to be nice and friendly for now. You have nothing to lose by doing that. Just try to have more conversations with him and get to know him better, then you might begin to find out the answer/s to your question. Of course, you shouldn't get too caught up in pursuing this one guy, but at this stage it's too early to pursue anyway. If you push too hard now it would be rather offputting, I feel.
Approach the matter in a not so serious fashion. You are overthinking this because you are concentrated on your end goal more than you are on the actual relationship you have right now with this boy. Here are few tips: 1. Next time he looks at you for a prolonged duration, wink at him and grin. Depending on his reaction you'll probably get a good hint at whether he is gay or not. 2. When you two are alone, try doing something "touchy-feely" like for example, sneak up behind him, grab his shoulders and say "hi <whatshisname>. 3. Be more flirtatious without being too obvious. If this makes any sense... 4. Somewhere around this part of the forum, i gave an advice to some guy, read that... - http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/151523-any-good-tips-dating-advice.html 5. Try to get more alone time with him and... for the love of god DO NOT ALLOW your feelings to cloud your judgement. You want to become his friend BEFORE you become his boyfriend so... Ease up on the whole "desperately trying to figure out if he's gay" thing...
Alright, I'll work on that. And don't worry I will definitely work on friend before boyfriend haha I'm not that thirsty
Just keep getting to know him Maybe some time soon you could invite him to do something outside of school with you, or a group of friends. Find out more about him, so if you have any common interests
I will and OMG we had band tonight at the football game and I got a hug from him :3. Also, my one friend who knows about this asked him on the bus during truth or dare if he was gay and what we heard him say was "I don't have any problems with gay people and I think they're really cool" but he never actually answered the question which is similar to what I'd do when I was in denial
That's awesome that he hugged you! Try and gradually get to hug him a bit more frequently as you get to know him It sounds like there's definitely a decent chance of him being available for you
I definitely will I'm going to be seeing him and some mutual friends both for band and we're doing this after school floor hockey thing because we both play it so basically 4 days a week I'll see him
