OK, so I have been crushing on this friend of mine for quite some time now, if you're interested, you can read our story here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/153119-does-he-like-me-=o.html Its a freaking bible, as I'm sure this will be too (sorry =/), so bookworms only. Anyway, its been a long time since that and our relationship has developed even more. I'll make a quick sum up to clear things up. For the past months we've been getting quite close, and he has been giving me hints that he may like me too. We have a group (us and 2 other friends, both of wich know about my crush on him) and we always hangout together (for parties, hang outs at each other's places and general activities and sh*t) and we're always closer to each other than our other friends (note that one of them has been my best friend for 18 years). We're always having random glances shot at each other and when we drink, we're kinda flerty. We play nerdy games together like Smash bros and Mario Kart and we're always having the best time. The thing is, apart from the fact that we get along extremely well, considering his other friendships, he shows no signs of being gay (or bi). I have no f*cking idea what's his deal. he never shares his troubles with us, and when the rest of us do, he never seems to know how to react. It looks like he can't deal with close intimacy, outside of his mother, who he is very attached to. He really is his mother's baby, but enough with the freudian bullsh*t. He is a tipical straight guy. Appart from our gang, he has this other group of friends who have WAY more in common with him than us; they're straight guys who go to clubs and hooks up with women and play sports. He hangs out with them as often as he hangs with us, but from what I've noticed, they seem to have a very superficial relationship and don't share with each other. Our group is COMPLETELY different. We're mostly nerds who play games together and have very complicated love lifes. One of my friends is gay (we all know, and my crush was very supportive when he came out), I'm bi and the other hates labels. When we're together we always crash at my place with some beers, sometimes some weed and cook stuff, play Smash, discuss Pokémon and play some poker. It's very weird that he has 2 very distinguished group of friends, both of wich he puts effort to keep seeing (as we've met in highschool and took very different pathes in college) He has no interest in women as I'm not even sure if he has ever been with one by the age of 20, and he is hot (when confronted with this issue he was very defensive). When he goes to parties he doesn't seem to reciprocate women's interest and is always kind of distant towards them, wich is very different from his other group. Lately I've been going out more and having random hook ups with my female friends, and I share those experiences with the gang, and he always looks very uncomfortable with it. He has no history with women and the only thing he ever shared about one was when he was at prom night and some girl was dancing near him and he was very horny, but didn't act because he was drunk. My other friends also have no idea what's his deal and haven't helped me much with this issue. His atitude is very dissonant. He has been sharing more these days, as he told me about one of his problems and has been crying about it, but it was the first time he ever said anything meaningful, and it is very recent. He has no idea I have feelings for him and the fact I've been with girls lately is reinforcing the idea that I am straight, wich I hate. I really want to come out to him, but I don't know how to do that without telling him I like him, and that is very scary. I haven't had contact with him when he was young, but I have this other friend who was his childhood friend, and he said same interesting stuff. Appearently he was raised in a very non-homophobic environment, as he had gay neighbors his family kept in touch often and nursed one of his gay cousings in his house for a while. He showed his cousin's gay porn history to this friend of mine. BTW, this friend is also a gay nerd, and they were very close back in the day. He has this friend in his other group, who is very nerdy and they seem to have a very close friendship. I was his friend once since we had a lot in common, but whenever he was with his other douche friends he treated me like sh*t, and I hated it. Appearently he also does that to him. I'm not quite sure of their relationship status, but I believe that Aang can save the world they might've had some complications with their friendship, if you know what I mean. My point is, when he was younger he was leaning towards becoming a huge nerd like me, but he meshed with the wrong people along the way and became something he is not 100% comfortable with. The more we hang out, the more he seems happier. We didn't have ANYTHING in common a while ago, and now he plays Nintendo games better then me, not to mention his recent breakthrough in trying to be more open. I realize that in these kind of situations there isn't really much to do besides confront him or wait patiently as he discovers himself, and if he is indeed having questions about his sexuality, he is not comfortable talking about it. The only way I have ever came out was by saying "I have a crush on X" and although I identify as bisexual at EC I do not like these labels IRL and haven't actually stated my sexuality to anyone, ever. Haven't been with any guys either. All I know is I am not straight. How do I have this conversation with him without making it a big deal or stating my interest in him? I really want to come out to him beacause he is one of my best friends and he deserves to know what I really am like, and he is the ONLY person in the world that makes me feel 100% comfortable with myself and I never feel judged around him. He is the only person who naver made me feel sad, who never let me down, and is always looking forward to having a good time together. He is the best. I also really want to confront him about his sexuality and put an end to this purgatory and move on. I want to help him find someone for him regardless of his orientation, he is my friend and I want him to be as happy as he can. Thanks for reading, advice is apreciated tl;dr How to come out to someone you like but isn't very open about life issues and doesn't know how to deal with intimate conversations, without changing you relationship (for the worse, a change for the better is always welcome :rolle?
