Sorry guys I just need to vent out. I don't know if some of you remember me from posting my first thread regarding how to deal with my straight best friend not having photos of me in his social media. Original thread--- http://emptyclosets.com/forum/family-friends-relationships/186152-hidden-frienship.html which is the original reason why I joined EC. Well things took for a worse when he started asking me to delete messages on MY social media that mentioned him and me in a sentence by our common friends. I guess I was sort of in a denial then that it was just a phase in our friendship. I thought 5 years of being best friends could withstand changes such as new work, new environment, new crowd. Unfortunately I guess it couldn't, well at least for him. He just suddenly barely messaged me all of a sudden. Our almost daily messages then became once a week. He'd invite me to go to his place for our usual get together but then on the day itself I'd hear nothing from him or get a reply for my message. Then all of a sudden I'd see on his social media that his plans had went through albeit with other people. He made plans with me which I may add were initiated by him, only to be stood up by him. I wanted to escape the hurt I was feeling so I jetted off to Hong Kong. I did all the requisite band-aid solutions to what I was feeling. I shopped til the malls closed. I drank alcohol for breakfast, lunch, dinner and before going to sleep just to feel numb. I never heard from him, whereas before he'd message me right away asking me to come home already. Finally I got it people move on, friends move on, best friends move on. It was just sad that he never made an effort to save the friendship. When I felt us drifting apart I really did try everything that I could. I just feel abandoned. Somehow I question whether I did anything wrong, but no I believe I had been a good friend all those 5 years. Ultimately I just miss my bestfriend. I know I deserve better but the sad thing is I'd take him back if he'd just try. :icon_sad:
You made me think about that Teen Titan episode "Things Change". Random sorry. I can relate quite a bit to your story. Things change and people change. We become different people as we age, in the sense we start figuring out who we are and who and what we want in life. Some friendships I never understood why I was their friend in the first place. I too had a really good friend and as we got older we've drifted apart. I'd tried to recoil any friendship if any was left over the years, but sometimes it's better leaving it dead. We both tried to make the friendship work, but after a couple of times hanging out it just wasn't like old times. Some friendships are strange in where you talk all the time and then suddenly just never talk anymore, but not really proclaiming the friendship was over, so I feel yea. Sorry man, hope you are feeling better. Time heals all wounds, so they say.:icon_wink
Hi, may I find out, have your friend and you resolved whatever issues that you've had? Are you ok? I've had a similar experience a year ago, with the feeling of total abandonment as well. Now him and I are no longer friends. I guess I'm checking in on you because of our 'shared experience'. Hope it isn't too weird.
“Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all things lawful for itself, and all things possible.” - Thomas Kempis "We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." - W. Somerset Maugham I still love my best friend, and I will love her even if she stops loving me and I know I have to let go of my love to protect myself. I have gone been through that before. I could not make myself stop no matter how much it hurt. There is nothing wrong with that.
OMG I didn't even think people would reply or relate to what I posted. Honestly I wrote it more just to vent out. Well we met up together once after this post, it was like as if nothing had changed between us. Our conversations flowed like it did before and we were together til around 5am before we went our separate ways. In a way it rekindled some sort of hope in me. But after that he went dead silent again for weeks. It was then I realized I was tired of being led or given false hope. I called one of my close friends and vented out to her. I said I was tired of being angry, I was tired of hurting, I was tired of being made to feel like shit. I just felt numb at that point. I told her and vowed that I was going to be passive in the friendship. I would no longer initiate anything. If he messages me, I will reply out of respect. Although he did not accord me that same respect. I guess I relegated him to the role of a casual friend, after all 5 years is not a joke and it did mean a lot to me. So I am not gonna toss it out just like that. I made proactive moves to get over him and the loss of my best friend. I went out more with my other friends and made my ties stronger. Just this weekend we rented a Villa and had a great time barbecue, drinking, horsing around. Things which would have been reserved for him when we were still close. When he saw in social media that I was going out a lot with our other friends. He did message me multiple times during a week. Asking me to go out with him. I just said I had a lot of things to so I couldn't. To be honest it felt empowering that I was no longer a sucker for him, running after him with just one message. It felt like I had gained the self respect I lost when I was trying to make thing work for a long time. I now strongly believe my time and effort is better spent on people who are willing to reciprocate that time and effort. In saying that we are going out tomorrow. The two of us with other friends to go clubbing. I know it's gonna be like old times again when we're together. But I need to see more effort from him if we are to truly to repair things. I'm not lying when I say I was deeply hurt by how he treated me.
I'm glad to hear your update, and I think you're doing the right thing for yourself. Reciprocation is essential in any friendship. I think your friend is not a bad person. He's just less interested in this friendship compared to you. Besides, it's also tiring for both of you to maintain the usual level of connection since you guys are so busy with work and don't live close together. Perhaps what you're doing now is good for your friendship. Not every friendship needs daily communication. My close friend and I meet up once or twice a month and text infrequently, but it's always with genuine concern and interest in each other's affairs. This requires less 'maintenance' and fits well with both of your busy lifestyles as doctors. Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm glad you're doing well and that I can empathise with how a sudden withdrawal of a best friend can be emotionally devastating.
