Going for a third date.. what am I feeling?

With the support of this forum I finally accepted the fact that I am gay.
You can find my story here:http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/207354-am-i-gay-straight-just-acting.html

So I started dating this guy I speak with since November. My first date was nerve wrecking.. It's really scary to have a first gay date! It all went really well and this basically confirmed that I am into guys. I felt so excited for the past days!

We decided to go on a second date yesterday. We met at the cinema, watched a film and went for a drink at a bar. It went really well again. We have such good conversations and our minds are pointing in exactly the same direction with regards to our expectations in life and norms and values. I really enjoy being with him.

We did not go physical yet. No sex, no kissing, not even holding hands or subtle touching. I don't know if he is out yet or what his experience in dating is. I did not sense any attempt to get physically closer to me(which bothers me a bit).

When we went home he expressed that he really enjoyed the night and proposed that next time we should be cooking a meal together and watch an episode of our favorite series. I directly confirmed I'd like this as well.


This is where my problem starts.. I like the guy and it feels nice being with him. I am attracted to him as a person and although the thought of me and him doing stuff turns me on, I have less physical attraction to him.

It all still felt a bit distant to me. Could he still just not be comfortable being in public with another guy? The subject of being gay was never discussed in the slightest way.

My first date was really exciting and pretty mind blowing, the second date much less which makes me having doubts. Is this normal?

 

This is so hard to bring up.. I hardly accept the fact that I'm gay, I can type this down(which I really couldn't two months ago) but I cannot get the words out of my mouth.

I tried bringing this topic up last night by asking how he would see himself in 10 or 30 years with a "house, relationship, cats" etc. but I didn't get a satisfying response. I poured some dark beer in both of us so we would be a little bit more open and little less hesitant to discuss things - which lead to more honest/open/in-depth discussions - but I couldn't pull this out of him in a subtle way.

It's just so difficult. I indeed asked him for the first date to "go and do something fun", I really couldn't pull the words of dating out of me as it was for some reason awkward enough to talk to a guy I found in the gay section of ******...

You are right that it might be a deal breaker as that was my exact thought when I started this thread.. "Do I really want to continue this?" and even the "maybe I'm straight after all" :rolle:

He is a very polite person. He comes from a catholic village and his grandparents are very catholic, his parents less extreme catholic and he said he is open for everything. That's why I thought he is still in the closet as being gay is seen as a "challenge of god", "phase" and wrong. It could be out of respect as well indeed.

Well, yes. He didn't attempt physical contact and didn't flirt. This bothers me a lot as I feel this would give me some kind of confirmation. Everything feels so extremely fragile and I'm afraid breaking it with the wrong question.

I have a hard time controlling my emotions. When I woke up I felt like I shouldn't continue with him due to the above. Now that I'm done writing about it I want to see him and hear his voice.. Frustrating.. :eusa_doh:

Thank you! It helps me a lot and I hope it will help others.

 

This Saturday we will meet again. At his place this time and we will be cooking some dinner together.
I am still thinking that as suggested, he might didn't try anything yet out of respect or maybe he is not comfortable expressing anything in public.

He is a little bit introvert and I really do not want to hurt his feelings by going too far or too quickly.

Have you guys ever experienced something like this? How did you approach it?

I am now thinking of something like: "hey, when you joined ******, what was your goal or what were you expecting?". It's still pretty open.. What if he gives a general answer? Talking about being gay is still kinda hard for me.

 

This Saturday we will meet again. At his place this time and we will be cooking some dinner together.
I am still thinking that as suggested, he might didn't try anything yet out of respect or maybe he is not comfortable expressing anything in public.

He is a little bit introvert and I really do not want to hurt his feelings by going too far or too quickly.

Have you guys ever experienced something like this? How did you approach it?

I am now thinking of something like: "hey, when you joined ******, what was your goal or what were you expecting?". It's still pretty open.. What if he gives a general answer? Talking about being gay is still kinda hard for me.

 

We met again yesterday at his place and we had so much fun cooking and watching some series and youtube video's, I really enjoyed it and I think he did as well.

Still I couldn't find the courage to ask him how he thinks about us or what his feelings are. While sitting on the sofa together we sat very close touching each others upper arms but that is about all intimacy we had..

When I went home, we again expressed towards each other how nice the time we spent was and to meet again very soon at my place. Probably somewhere next week. When I came home I immediately got a message from him telling me again how much he enjoyed it. This morning another text message woke me up wishing me a good morning and again, we kept texting about our daily whereabouts.

It's so crazy, I feel this connection as very, very good friends but I cannot sense any attempt to get closer to me. Yet, I wouldn't have these kind of whatsapp conversations if I was just good friends.

Again, I am confused, too scared to ask or try anything and yet again, we will meet very soon...

 

Haha, thanks!

It all feels so strange but already 100 times better than dating a girl, just strange.

I don't think I would dare to get closer, wrap my arm around him or touch him(I'm not the guy that usually touches anyone or hugs when leaving).

Good news is, we will meet again this Friday!!

I think I will first ask him if he had a reason to get on a dating app and then tell him I was looking for a friend to be close with and then hopefully I have the courage to tell him that I am really glad I found him.

Scary stuff called dating haha :lol:

 

Thanks for the support pouletto! The strategy I put in my mind turned out to be unnecessary.

Where can I start.. I hugged, cuddled and kissed a guy yesterday for the first time in my life!!

We started the night with him cooking dinner. We opened up a bottle of wine and enjoyed dinner without any awkward silences. Then we started watching a few episodes of our favourite series. The bottle was almost finished at this time.

We sat pretty close and gently touched legs and upper arms again, but this time I did feel him giving some pressure back. It took us almost two hours to get so close that our lower arms started touching. Our hands were next. I could feel him shaking and being at unease.. It wasn't so different for me.

When the third episode started he finally went for it and grabbed my hand. Without saying anything but with a big smile we kept watching the episode haha. Such a relieve!!

The episodes were finished and I told him that I prepared a question what I wanted to ask him but I didn't think it was necessary anymore. He expressed he really liked me from the start. He told me he came out three years ago and tried gay clubs but didn't like all the flamboyance at all(just like me!). He never dated or did something with a guy and this was the first time he used a dating app. He told me he almost cancelled our first date because he was _really_ scared and was surprised I'm gay as he really could not sense it. The fact that he doesn't like to be in the center of attention also didn't help giving hints or expressing his feelings in a subtle way.

The rest of the night was pretty much talking about our feelings and the whole coming out process. Finally someone in real life who understands the struggles! I'm still shaking a bit so many hours later.

As we didn't want this to go too fast and get a bit used to the stuff that happened, he went home. When leaving we hugged, we kissed.


I am still pretty much in shock, this is what I wanted for so long! I will see him tomorrow or beginning of next week, I think there is some very good time ahead of us!



Probably compared to many people here with more experience this sounds like nothing happened but for me a LOT has happened and this was a huge step.

 

Thanks .

I am still so flabbergasted. Just unreal. We are really taking it slow and it is all still so innocent hehe.
From when I first posted here on EC till today is such a huge change! Thank you again for your support!

Thank you.
I hope my posts are useful to others who are in a similar situation(from realising you're gay to hunting for your feelings and finding someone you love). It is all very scary but so worth it!

I was also worried we would end up as just friends, but after him saying he was OK with finishing that full bottle of wine and feeling more and more of the warmth from his body and feeling him being really nervous as well I knew it was going to happen.

Although I'm afraid that once he opens the door on Wednesday there is no time to even decide who will be the first, I will try to make the first move next time. It was such a weight lifting from our shoulders when we expressed to the other how much we liked the other.

For the last days I really can't stop thinking about him and the hugging and hand touching part was really awesome(understatement!) but the kissing part felt so weird. It went very natural and I wanted it but it's just strange.. kissing another guy. Maybe I should get used to it or something and is it still that idea in the back of my mind that it is "not right".

 

Good suggestion!
I don't want to be seen like an alcoholic though. Every date we drank quite a lot and he told me he usually doesn't drink that often.. Bad habits from me already obvious to him.

Next time we will cook dinner again cause it is so much fun. We will make fresh pizza and I will bring the home made sauce and dough with me.

I will definitely hug and kiss him when he opens the door!

Oh man, it's so hard NOT to think of him all day! Can't wait till Wednesday!