Dad hit me?

Alright. My dad is similar to yours. He will hit and scream, but apologize. If you don't tell someone, he'll probably think of it as an excuse. Hopefully not, though. Do tell your brother, but tell your brother NOT, absolutely NOT to bring it up. Just to have some sort of confidance. Don't let your father drag it on any longer, and make sure your brother can keep himself composed. That way, if this does happen again, you can be sure your brother will help you instead of being shocked.

Best advice I can give. I hope everything goes well with you and your father. Don't take my advice to heart.

 

It matters. A parent should NEVER hit a child, whether they "mean it" or not.

I know that this might be hard for you, but you need to talk to someone in authority about this, and they're legally obligated to report the incident to the police. It might seem that's the wrong thing to do right now, but believe me - it's the right thing to do.

Your safety is more important than anything else in this, and you need to get out of that situation and into a safer one.

 

Definitely tell your brother what happened...that your dad hit you. If you think that he might hit you again... think about staying with a friend for a day or two until your brother gets home....PLEASE do what you need to do to stay safe.(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

(*hug*) I'm sorry this is happening.

Yes, I think you should tell your brother that he hit you.

You need to make a safety plan, a plan of what to do if home becomes unsafe. Is there anyone you can stay with where you will be safe? Do you know if there are programs for people your age to keep them off the street where you live?

Do you think he's likely to get angry without warning?

 

Hi unfortunately parents have high expectations of their children, and to burst that balloon is a tramatic issue...Lie low...Be yourself..Respect your father and let time heal the wound..If your Brother is not judgemental build the family acceptance with him, let his influence cushion the issues with your father..Show your Dad you are still you, your gender is still the same, only your preferences are developing..Sometimes the victims have to be stronger than the agressors..

 

It does matter. To say it doesn't matter is to make an excuse for his actions. He's the adult here, not you. The responsibility of his actions rest on his shoulders, not yours.

Every single seriously abusive situation I've heard of happens exactly like this... In fact, this behavior is insanely stereotypical, and that makes me very afraid that he'll do it again.

Whether or not he meant it is irrelevant. In fact, it would be more terrifying if he DIDN'T mean it. That means he's struggling to control his emotions and actions, which in turn means that he's likely to do it again when he eventually gets angry again. (And he WILL get angry again, you cannot avoid this.)

You're not confused. You're thinking very clearly and your concerns are completely valid.

Yes.

No.

This is not your fault. You have no reason to feel like shit. You've done NOTHING wrong. If anything, you should be the one who is angry, because you're the victim here. Not him. You are taking responsibility for his actions and feelings. They are not your fault. Let me repeat myself again: You've done NOTHING wrong.

Yes, you should tell your oldest brother immediately what happened, but ask him not to say anything to your Dad. You should also make sure your other brother knows what happened.

Next, you should take Ianthe's advice and develop a safety plan - some place that you can escape to if needed. The house of a friend, for example.

Following that, you need to notify an adult outside of your family what is going on. Preferably someone you can trust. If you think your friends parents would be supportive of you, then coming out to them and telling them what is going on could be an appropriate move. The exception to that is if you think they'd react poorly.

Ideally, you should speak to your schools guidance counselor. Notify him/her of what happened. See what they advise.

I'm sorry, but as far as I'm concerned, this situation has moved beyond your ability to control. I'm very afraid that your father will lose it again, and potentially cause you even more serious injury. It could happen as soon as this weekend or sooner when your oldest brother shows up, as that seems to be a trigger for his anger.

None of this is your fault. Not for a single second should you blame yourself. You've done nothing wrong. Absolutely NOTHING.

I realize that, after he "calmed down" - he stopped yelling and gave your stuff back - that you're fearful of doing anything that will upset that calm. That's exactly why he gave your stuff back. The calm you're experiencing is an illusion, because all the same problems are still boiling underneath. You're walking on eggshells in an attempt to avoid his rage, and this has you under the mistaken impression that if you do the "right" thing, that if you "say" the right thing, that the calm and peace you're experiencing will continue.

I can tell you with a high degree of certainty on my part, that this is almost certainly not true. He will get angry again. He may even hit you again, except next time it could be worse. And despite what you may believe, there may be nothing you can do to prevent this from happening.

It's one thing if your dad got angry and yelled for a day or two. Anger is perfectly natural. However, this has gone on for quite some time, and now that his anger has escalated beyond words to actual violence - he's crossed a red line in my opinion.

You need to talk to another adult who can help you. Don't try to handle this on your own. Don't make excuses for his behavior by blaming yourself. Always remember, that you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Again, tell your oldest brother what happened, make sure your other brother knows as well if he doesn't already. Develop a safety plan as Ianthe suggested. Then let an adult outside of your family know what has happened. Ideally, this would be your schools guidance counselor as he/she is trained to deal with situations like this and should have resources at his/her disposal that someone else might not.

 

Go to your friends parents house and show them your bruise. Have them take a picture. As others have said No one deserves to be hit. No parent has a right to hit their child ever for any reason. It is a CRIME. Or go to a medical facility or police station. Please. Your father's anger seems to be getting worse. Your life & safety is the most important thing.

 

Like Fen, I'd suggest getting photos of the bruise. Even if you can only manage to take them yourself. But having a 3rd party take the photos is better.

 

As has been said before you need to get photos and let someone know what is going on. There is no excuse for this and you should not have to tolerate this in any way. Find a safe place and take actions

 

And also if things get really bad, be prepared to call 9-1-1.

 

Yes I am worried about you. When was your age I had a a parent who broke my nose, separated my shoulder and gave me multiple concussions. Please get help NOW so there is not a next time.

 

I agree 100%. The sooner the better.

When I talk about calling 9-1-1, I don't suggest it as part of a "let's wait and see what happens" tactic. I suggest it as "if something happens before you can get help" tactic. And the sooner you get help, the better.

 

I hate to say this, but speaking from personal experience.... An abusive person doesn't change. No matter how much they say they will change they won't and won't do anything differently... I've been in an abusive relationship for almost 2 years and can't get out for dependency reasons, but please at least be prepared to get out. Take photos of the bruise, tell your brother, and be ready to call the authorities if anything happens so that they can help you. You should get help immediately though because trust me threats of violence turn into REAL violence and we don't want one of our friends turning into a statistic...

 

God, this story is killing me...

When looked at just from the point of this thread, calling police seems like a huge overkill. However, in the context of everything you said in other threads, it is a very realistic option. Your father is being extremely abusive at the moment. All the yelling, his mentioning your mother, calling that cousin over, all that is basically an assault. Your father is not reasoning with you; he's purposefully hurting you. He can't do that.

Call your brother (the 19yo one) and tell him he hit you. Don't wait for him to come home.

There is a good probability that if your father doesn't stop now that you will need to get away from him for some time. Start planning what you'd need in such a case. And talk to people; to your brothers, to your friend and his parents if you can. Try to find some understanding adult; maybe a school counselor or a professor? The cause doesn't matter, your father is abusing you.

 

In my 18 years there has only been one instance of domestic abuse in my family of five people. It ended really poorly and strained everyone's relationship for a good deal of time. However, two years later, all of the wounds have healed and I can say my family is as good as it was when I was a little kid. I cannot speak for your situation, but you can hold out hope that this is a one time thing.

Having said that, definitely tell your brother. I broke up the instance in my family which involved me confronting my father. My brothers were both at college and I was in high school. I called both of them that night to make sure they knew what happened. You need to make sure the people around you know what is going on, in case something like this happens again. Take everyone's advice and take pictures, and possibly tell your friend in case you need to get out of the situation. Try talking to an adult. In the meantime, keep your head up.

Hopefully your dad is embarrassed and will try to make amends, I know my dad was. But every situation is unique, and I would take all of the advice of the people above me. Just remember that it was never your fault. I've read your threads and you are very brave. I truly hope this works out for you. I hope your brother has your back no matter what.

And if it does happen again, ignore the optimistic part of my post and get out of the situation anyway you can.

 

He hit you and tried being sorry later? This is a textbook example of an abusive relationship.

 

Praying you are ok and your reason for not posting an update is that you are somewhere safe getting help. Hugs

 

After having read your threads and these responses, I agree with Dalmatian.

Calling the police now seems a little over-kill, I wouldn`t do that, but school counselor was a good idea. If he hits you again, then you need to involve police or child services! It is never okay for a parent to hit a child or a teen, any more than it is OK for a person to hit another adult. If your father had hit another adult, he would find himself under charges for assault. There are never circumstances that excuses violence, of any kind, towards any person, unless in self-defense. What he did to you was in no way your fault, nor was it deserved, nor can it be excused!

Please, do tell your brother. Someone else in your family should know what happened. After all the yelling and unstable behavior, it has escalated and you need to have someone in your family knowing about this. It is not a breach of trust, your father breached your trust when hitting you! He might have apologized, but that`s no guarantee it won`t happen again, so you ought to have a plan ready for if it does. Telling your brother is a good first step, as he is older and can help you. And like Ianthe said, having a plan for somewhere to go that is safe is important.

I am very sorry to hear this, but we are here for you!

*Big hug*

 

If an adult is at a ballpark,bar anywhere outside his home and hits someone 1 time. 1 punch he/she can be arrested for assault. Just because its at home and his child and he says "sorry" does not make it less of a crime. Its a worse one in so many ways.