I've had all these pent up thoughts and emotions for days and days now and I've finally gotten internet back on my laptop so here we go. (BTW, I'm pissed. :tantrum: ) I think I'm going to start off with my dad. He's really started to piss me off. What pisses me off? He yelled at me for having my shoes on my bed (which I always do); he yelled at me today for looking down at something, literally for a second, while backing up (I'm pretty sure I was in the process of turning around; he yelled at me for not paying attention while he was building something; he yelled at me for not wanting to help him work on my uncle's roof and etc. As you can see there has been quite a bit of yelling. That pisses me off. He expects me to be the stereotypical boy and like everything that I'm 'supposed to.' In our family that means fishing, hunting, sports, cars, building things, etc. etc. A TOTAL gender stereotype. It makes me so mad. I like reading, writing, and other stuff that isn't the norm for our family. I refuse to go hunting, which I know makes him sad. I don't think I could find enjoyment in shooting down animals for praise. I will go fishing once a year for one day. Do I want to? Not at all, but that's for later. I don't want to build things because that doesn't interest me. Sorry that I don't fit his 'perfect son' stereotype. Now about fishing...Once a year, for one weekend we go to our family's fishing cabin, I hate going. It's two hours away, no cell service, and I'm stuck with my cousins and old fucks (trust me, that's the most proper word for them). For weeks my dad's been asking me when we could leave for this year (it's this coming weekend, btw) and I keep saying 'I don't know.' I also don't want to go because of the people there. For the past two years I got offered beer (so since I was 14) by the old fucks. Of course I say no. I'm opposed to drinking underage. If I get offered it again this year I'm going up to my dad and flat out telling him that I'm not going back if I'm going to keep getting offered beer. Or I'll just tell my mom, I'm sure she wouldn't want me to go back. How I wish I was in college already... What next, what next, how about Darren? That's always a lovely topic. Long story short I practically fell in love with Darren at first sight and we've had a rocky relationship for most of our friendship. Our relationship was pretty harsh after an altercation we had last summer but somehow things changed. A couple weeks back I texted him asking him when he scheduled his rehire meeting for work (we work(ed) at an amusement park) and he told me, sadly, that he wasn't coming back. Work was the only time I ever saw him. I was crushed. However he was talking to me like how he used to, like our friendship never had been rocky. I thought things were better. Guess I was wrong. Occasionally throughout March I would try and text him, just for shits and giggles to see if he would respond. Of course he didn't. Now yesterday I decided to text him to see if he'd respond and he did! I was pumped...but it wasn't the response I was looking for. He said, "Hey I'm at a red light I'm driving I'll text ya tonight' so I was just like 'Ok.' But he never texted me. So what's with him? Why make a promise to someone if you're not going to honor that promise? Finally I'm going to go through my spiel on religion. Being bi and Christian is hard. Granted I'm not the most religious person in the world. I believe in the Big Bang Theory and evolution. Do I believe there was a person named Jesus from Nazareth? Sure. Do I believe that there was a man named Jesus from Nazareth who was the son of God and was brought back from the dead? Not particularly. All it does is involve miracles; stuff that doesn't really happen anymore. I mean if there were really miracles then why would a nurse that I've had regularly since I was 8 (which means 8 fucking years!) have died last week from cancer when she was only 52? Sorry, but I don't view that as an act of a benevolent god. There's also the fact that 'God loves everyone' but 'if you're gay you're going to Hell.' But wait, didn't you just say that God loves everyone? Why would I go to Hell for being bi then? Yeah, that makes sense. Our sermon today was actually all about cynicism and shit like that. Sorry that I'm a cynic. I hate going to church lately. Mostly it's because of what's AFTER church...Sunday School. I'm fucking 16! I do not want to go to fucking Sunday School! Does anyone else there want to be there? No. Our teacher also suggested the other week that all of us, which is 6 of us three who are 16, do something one week where we take the song 'Firework' by Katy Perry and take a part of it and relate it to our belief in God. What's mine going to be? 'I'm bi so I'm an outsider from all of the good Christian boys and girls and y'know God really makes me feel better by saying I'm going to Hell. Kthanksbye.' I really don't want to do that. Thanks everyone for listening in! Any thoughts on any would be appreciated...I love continuing on my rants! :eusa_clap Congrats for finishing! :eusa_clap
in regards to religion, have you seen this video by Matthew Vines? http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/81168-mathew-vines-video-you-need-see.html
I've kind of 'created' my own religion. It's a mixture of Christian, Buddhist, New Age and American Indian. I don't like how religions dictate people's lives to a tee. I take pieces out of religions so that I can have something to believe in. Spirituality is important to me, but I can't conform to others expectations of me. Be yourself
The thing is, religion doesn't necessarily appeal to me. Waking up early on a Sunday to go somewhere I don't want to. No thanks. When I grow up I won't force my kids to go to church, among other things.
