Hey guys, I'm new to this forum! Firstly, sorry if this has been asked many times before! I'm female assigned at birth, I've recently been questioning my gender identity because there have been many times I've wanted to dress in a masculine manner, bind my chest, etc. I've placed myself for now as genderfluid, but I'm still not entirely sure if I'm that, trans, or maybe just a tomboyish girl. I'm not sure if I'm overthinking this, because in some way I feel like I want to be not "just a girl" but something masculine as well. But even on days when I think that I'm masculine, and want to represent as male, I find myself behaving, in my social interactions, very feminine, and even feel very feminine at times (meek, wanting to act cute, and feeling very distinctly that my male friends and I are of different genders). I'm not sure if I get dysphoria; sometimes I get a strong, uncomfortable feeling of "do not want", but I have no idea what triggers it and it's been happening since puberty. For the sake of this not becoming too long-winded, I'll leave it here for now. Just wanted to get some advice from all you wonderful, self-actualized individuals. At what point did you know for sure that you are not a binary gender? What made you go, "oh", what lead to that certainty? What gave you enough reason to question your gender? I've talked to few friends about my uncertainty and when they questioned me if I might be a boyish girl, I became very, very confused. :tears:
You might have a look at this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/152580-genderfluid-hrt-transition.html#2 Just ask if you have questions... (*hug*)
Here I'm going to tell you about the day I started identify as genderfluid: Me and my mom had fought. Well, not reallt fought, I just thought she was a total idiot and being ignorant and stupid about her opinion on LGBTQ+ people having kids. (As you may understand, she is against it.) I had been watching documentaries about transgender people for a few weeks and knew that I had something to do with those people. So, I took a walk with my dog to think for a bit. The question "What if it's possible that some people are different genders on different days? That's what I feel like I am." popped up in my head. I googled it as fast as I got home. Genderfluid came up on the screen. I read through some other terms too, but me and genderfluid just "clicked". For the first time in my life I felt like I could identify with a group of people. I didn't feel like a weirdo anymore. You're going to find your way eventually, and create your story. This is mine. Of course it's more complex than this, but this is the important things short. If you want to chat with anyone you can always write to me on my wall. <3 And by the way, welcome to EC.
You used the expression "just a girl". Do you meant that to be a man means to you more than to be a woman? Or do you mean that the label feels too tight/limited to describe yourself? Not all trans felt afraid of telling the truth to themselves, but I did it for almost all my life, and others did it during for even longer periods of time (50-60 years...) There is nothing wrong about being who you are, but whatever step you take, whatever decission you make, be sure you are honest to yourself and your own feelings. This is about your happiness, not someone else's. That you act feminine on some occassions could be based on your upbringing, or it could be your feminine side. I know who I am, but I also accept I'm not an absolute, monolithic human being, and I refuse to conform to gender stereotypes. I do what I like when I feel like it, but I've got very clear that I am and will remain a man for the rest of my life. You've got to ask yourself questions and explore. Don't be afraid.
