I had my first therapy appointment a few days ago. It went well, only I wasn't expecting the therapist to be so quiet. I thought we'd talk 50-50, her maybe asking questions and giving feedback, while I would be talking about myself. Instead, it was more like 80-20, and I'm not used to being the talker of a two-person conversation, so it made me uneasy. For the first half a minute, we just quietly sat there as I looked around the room. It was awkward, but I could finally think of something to say after a bit. She asked about my early past, which was weird talking about since no one feels comfortable bringing that up around me. I'm planning on continuing with her for a few months. It's going to be tough because I don't open up easily to people, and talking isn't my strong suit. I do much better communicating online or something other than talking. I'm also not sure if I'm going to remember every detail I want her to know... There's a lot of stuff buried deep in my brain. On the way home, my mom decided to drop a bomb on me. I thought she was always supportive, and I guess she is, but... She told me that she doesn't believe that being transgender is a real thing. She says that she's not a transphobe because she doesn't hate or discriminate transgendered people, but she just doesn't believe it's a real thing. She said to me, "I know you're going to say, 'Why would people choose this, it's a hard road and no one wants this,' but I don't think it's a real thing. I think it's a cover-up for deeper problems that need serious help. People should learn to live with the bodies they were given. Why does it matter so much, anyways? You shouldn't fight Mother Nature. Your body is so natural, I can't even think of going against nature and altering your body like that." She does believe that intersex people have a condition, but people who were born with one part... She seems to think that being transgender is such a new issue that arose from things being spread around the Internet, and that without the Internet, it wouldn't have been even addressed. "I have an awful feeling it's just a fad, and that young people are changing their bodies so much when we have so little information about it." Another issue she has is with the support forums like these. Did you get angry when you read that she doesn't believe transgender-ism (if that's even a word) is real? She's noticed how defensive transgendered people are when anyone questions any little thing about it all, which is rather true, I must admit. This defensiveness bordering on hostility put her off a lot, and frankly, it puts me off a lot as well. Anyways, sorry for rambling. I'm just frustrated with her, but mostly myself. I hate being uncertain about my identity for this long, and this uncertainty is making it hard for me to explain anything to her. If you have any advice or knowledge to share, that would be great, though I'm not asking for anything.
Dude, my mom thinks the SAME WAY. She believes that I'm just a tomboy… because I'm "not like the young man in Middlesex." I get that it's really frustrating - but hey, you're seeing a therapist! That's awesome! I don't think I'll be visiting a gender identity specialist ANYTIME soon
I have always had the same aversion to interpersonal contact. It was really tough before the internet for me. What I've been able to do in the last 8 months or so, is just start making chit chat with random people. Start small, maybe just saying hello as you pass someone. Then work up to full sentences with waitresses, clerks, and what not. I've gotten to the point where I'm almost normal seeming in person. A little background anxiety sometimes, but I can speak to people now. Baby steps. As far as remembering what you want to talk to your therapist about. There's this old fashioned technique, they may not teach in schools anymore. It's called taking notes with a pen and paper... Works wonders, and the act of writing it down actually makes it stick in your head better. I always carry around a moleskin notebook in my back pocket, with a pen inside it. I will say, I'm not sure about changing at such a young age either. Not questioning the feelings, or anything, just the age... BUT I know my sexual orientation was determined by the age of 12, so... what do I know...
Definitely bring up solid research and things like this Gender identity disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia It's a psychological condition, that is just as real as alcoholism, anorexia, depression, or schizophrenia. And I would definitely tell your therapist, and let them know you would like them to talk to your mom, together at first, but should probably speak to her privately as well.
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 The first leaflet is for the british national health service. Would you think it would help if you would show that to both your mother and your therapist ?
I am thankful for the therapist, but I feel it will be a really slow process because I'm so awkward when talking to people, and have a ton of voice dysphoria. ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2014 at 08:25 PM ---------- Ha, sometimes I wish it wasn't expected in schools anymore. I have taken some notes, but it's mostly that I'm worried I won't be able to recall things when I am thinking of notes to write down. Some feelings are buried so deep, and some I don't even really know how to describe accurately with words. It's also hard to take baby steps with the voice thing when I have voice dysphoria, but I have been trying to improve it my whole life. Also, knowing your sexuality at a young age isn't too bad. But gender identity sometimes demands irreversable changes. ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2014 at 08:28 PM ---------- Just seeing "disorder" in the title of the page might freak her out, haha. I'll try to convince her with this, but she may say that it's still some kind of fad, knowing her. ---------- Post added 14th Nov 2014 at 08:31 PM ---------- Thanks for the link, Jay. I'll show this to my mom sometime.
The word 'disorder' is kind of scary/ off putting, and also can unconsciously mean something is "wrong with you" and you have to be "fixed". But hopefully it will make her take it seriously, or at least enough to look into it. The word for it may have only been around 35 ish years, but non-conforming genders and there being more than 2 genders has spanned the whole world, over thousands of years. It's not like you just made it up. Tell her how you felt before you even heard the word trans, or knew anything about it. That you didn't just pick it up from TV/ the internet, but when you found the word for it it was a light bulb moment, and it made sense to you. So this video is mostly referring to him coming out and his sexual orientation but he has said basically the same things when referring to coming out as trans. Time + maturity + information is all you can do. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ev30goiwXRA
Thanks, Kakashi, you've been a great help. In my frustration, I didn't think about telling her how I felt before I started researching. And I love Alex Bertie! He's great, I've watched a great number of his videos.
