my mum has been nagging me to clean my room for a few days, so I got home from school today and turns out she must of got sick of it and cleaned it herself. (Wich is super nice and out of character for her but...) when she told me I was literally almost sick. There are several things hiding in my room that would indicate I was trans. I had tried to make a make shift binder from some Velcro stuff a few weeks ago wich I had carelessly stuffed under a pile of soft toys under my bed. That had been cleaned up and I havnt found it yet. Also I had built a sock packer Into some underwear wich I had left in the same place. There's also some printed out stuff on hormones and stuff wich I had put in a box in the cupboard. I checked it and am very suspicious that it might have been looked through. She hasn't said anything yet, and I can't tell if she's been acting differently, but I am so scared. If she asks about it, I don't know what I'll say. Maybe I should come out to her? I don't know if I'm ready though. :help::icon_sad:
I was outed similarly (mom found my STP) so I can sympathize. It's really scary, but if she hasn't said anything yet then she probably either didn't find it, or is letting you come out on your own time. If she did find any of that (particularly the thing about hormones) then she could probably figure it out. Do you know how she feels about LGBT people?
STP? Also, who knows it may be a blessing in disguise xD If my parents how found out the stuff I was hiding maybe I would have transitioned YEARS sooner. Past that, if nothing was said she is likely waiting for you to come to her; I doubt your mother is stupid or oblivious. If you want your stuff back or are worried ,just be resolute in your feelings. If you end up coming out soon, make sure you know why, and that you know what you know what you know about your feelings. I do not know how loving/accepting your family is, but I would say give it a week. If your mother suspects something maybe she needs time to process it, and her stumbling across your stuff might be perfect in the sense that now she has an indication of your feelings and can begin to digest it. Then you can come to her later after she has sorted a few feelings and have a real talk. It's pretty speculative ,but I wish you the best!
I can imagine that is stressful! If she hasn't noticed anything and has no clue, my best advice is: clean your room so she doesn't have to ask. When she asks, it's too messy, meaning she might clean it again. This is if you want to keep it a secret a bit longer.
thanks guys. So far she hasn't said anything, just keeping my head down. I think its very likely that she knows what's going on though, and if she does, then she seems to be accepting it pretty well. My parents arent very transphobic I don't think (they use words like ladyboy and tranny but I'm not quite sure if those are too derogitory). I'm just scared of other people in my family finding out, especially my grandparents and my uncle, who I'll be spending a lot of time with over the holidays. Should be fine though.
Ladyboy and tranny are derogatory, but like any slang word it's subjective to the individual. I take offense to both, those moreso to ladyboy.
If she knows, do you really think she would gossip about it to other family members? It's not hair salon gossip, it's her own child... If that makes sense. I don't know you or her but a mother gossiping like that would surprise me. At the end of the day she wants whatever makes you happy I assume.
Oh man, I can only imagine dealing with this at the age of 14. I remember when I was 14 and first started having depression issues because puberty was taking me in the wrong direction and not knowing what to do about it. I certainly never talked to them about it, partly because 15 years ago being transgender was super taboo and almost always marginalized (still is now, but it's much better than back then), not to mention the fact that I'd had no exposure to transgenderism. If I could go back and do it again, I would definitely say something so that I could save years and years of depression, dysphoria, and confusion/self-doubt. I can't tell you to do what I wasn't brave enough to do at your age, but I think you might have a golden opportunity to open up a dialogue that most people never get. When I came out to my mom 2 months ago I pretty much blindsided her because it was the last thing she expected and it's created a lot of tension and trauma for both of us. If not now, when? is this something you are sure about? do you KNOW that you are trans? if you do, I'd urge you to at least broach the subject to test out the waters. maybe she is just too afraid to bring it up to you because she doesn't want to oust you or alienate you. Maybe she's hoping you'll say something to her so she doesn't have to ask. I think you should test the waters out, but it's your life and only you can make that decision.
I'm afraid that the day someone got the nerve to call me that, I'm going to do something very stupid. Something that will give me a free ticket to the emergency room and leave me with most of my teeth on my pocket instead of inside my mouth. Nobody calls McFly a chicken, period... Yeah, all this years of evolution and civilization, and I even went to school, and I dig Dostoievsky, you know, but I'm not gonna take it, not me, no way... And go figure if you are talking about my people, I know I could go ballistic... Back to the topic, you don't need to come out if you don't want to, don't feel forced. For mothers it's hard when they realize they have a transboy instead of "her baby girl". I've heard that fathers take it easier in general, as if they were happy to win a son, instead of losing a daughter. If it gets uncomfortable between you both, and you don't feel ready to trust her, just make up some excuse, you know... Like you were researching for some schoolwork, or whatever, but don't expect her to buy it, you know : Mothers have a sixth sense about their offspring. Keep cool. The only thing my mother found in my room when I was a teenager was a Playgirl, because back then I felt too embarrased to buy a gay porn mag. We both had a good laugh when she came to me with the thing. I just started laughing because she had probably the idea that the mag proved my feminity, as if I had become for her some kind of an "alpha female", and she laughted because... Well, I have no idea... Probably I was right. :rolle:
I have been feeling very pressured to come out lately. I was seeing a counselor at a youth clinic weekly and at the end of each session she would blatantly tell me how she feels like she's organising all this support and making plans for me, and unless I came out to my parents, that things wernt going to get better, that she couldn't help me anymore. I was constantly trying to explain to her that I still wasn't sure of my identity, and that I still felt crappy. So relieved its over for the rest of the year finally. That's been a huge weight of my back. But I also feel like I'm already half out of the closet already. A few of my close friends are using my name, and sometimes male pronouns. I've got my hair cut, I'm dressing full time in male clothes and I'm working hard at saving for top surgery already, and being really busy. But I wanted to post this reply because something came up with my mum again. I was walking to the dairy with her when she turns to me and says "so why do your friends call you george?" And I said I dunno, but then she asked me "would you like it if we called you george?" And I hesitated a bit before saying that I didn't mind, then quickly changed the conversation and it hasn't come up again yet. Some ways I feel relieved, that its a sign my parents are probably supportive, but I'm also worried, because I don't think I'm ready to come out yet. feeling really pressured I guess
Look... I have a feeling sometimes these things are a blessing in disguise. Like giving us a chance to say what we really want... of course hoping for a nice response... Its your choice what you do... what do you think about following up on that talk... asking her what if you liked being called george, how she would take that ? You don't have to do that now, just keeping it in mind. Just take the time you need. Here are a few resources, you might have a look at them, and think a bit about it: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/empty...14-coming-out-letters-transgender-folk.html#3 (&&&)(*hug*)
Can you remember where you initially had these items and sus out whether they were moved somewhat or somehow visible to her. If an item was laying in a manner you remember it would be a clue to her actions if they seemed to have been moved or adjusted a bit. Why am I so clever-paranoid? :dry: :eusa_doh: At your same age my parents found my collection of "girls" attire. :eusa_doh: :bang: The family meeting in the dining room was very embarrassing, frightening and shame inducing! It motivated me to be more diligent in hiding myself. My mom at least said "its O.K. to have been curious but don't do it again! All I can say is, hang in there!
To me it sounds like you got the greenlight. 100% sure your mom knows or suspects and honestly, now it's up to you to either be brave enough to come forth or to have a sitdown. Imo, I wouldn't let this golden ticket slip by.
It sounds like you mom knows that something is up at least. It's a good sign that she asked if you wanted to be called by your male name. That shows that she is trying to be supportive of you. So, I think that when you are ready you should tell her.
I'm definitely positively sure she found the packer and binder at least. To be more specific, I havnt found the binder yet, and I found the underwear the packer had been in in the wash. I know that if I was ready to, I would take this opportunity to come out. But right now I'm more scared of being wrong, then actually telling her. I don't know how long this opportunity will last, but as soon as I get my gender sorted out, I'll want to come out as soon as I can. Hopefully not too long off :icon_wink Thing is, it's hard to work out whether my doubts are just natural, or if I'm really still in the questioning phase. I wasn't expecting so much help lol Thx guys
If you are comfortable, since she seems supportive, you could tell her that you are questioning your gender, and that you think that you could be trans. This gives you the opportunity to have an open dialogue about your feelings. It also may help release some of that pressure that you are feeling about coming out.
that sounds like a good idea brad. I guess I could also just come out as transgender instead of solid male since I'm positive I'm not cis, which would minimise the risk of having to cone out again as being SURE. Thanks!
