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Questioning my gender identity, in a relationship. Help!

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by UsagiChan, Dec 22, 2014.

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  1. UsagiChan

    UsagiChan
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    Didn't know what to title the post... *sigh*
    Right now I identify as a bisexual girl, and I've been in relationship with a straight man for 2 months, my first relationship. But things are getting complicated with my gender and what I find attractive, so I guess I just need to vent.

    I've always been torn between 'tomboy' and 'girly'- I can fluctuate between feeling very feminine and very masculine, and I like express that in my clothing too. I could never put a name to it, but I got curious when I found out about the term 'genderfluid' or 'genderqueer'. That seems to fit me. Although I have no problem going by 'her' and 'she', I love outwardly expressing myself as a girl or a boy, or whatever. I've had thoughts of using a binder some days, wearing a good wig to make my hair look short, etc.

    However my boyfriend has no idea of this. I only came to this conclusion a few weeks ago, after we started dating, and I'm terrified. He won't be attracted to me if he ever finds out, because if he's straight, he probably won't want to date someone who's questioning their gender.

    As well as that, I keep having doubts about whether I am sexually attracted to men in the first place. Romantic for sure, but that's not really a big concern of mine right now.

    Argh, everything's so confusing right now. Do I talk to him? Or stay quiet until I'm 100% sure on the gender thing? Or do I let him go now, to save the chaos? :bang:
     
    #1 UsagiChan, Dec 22, 2014
  2. WyldStyle

    WyldStyle
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    The way that I see it is that if you're genderfluid, no one really has to know.

    Just because you're expressing yourself as a boy doesn't mean you have to be yourself expressing yourself as a boy. You can have your own second identity if you really want to.

    Either way, don't worry about telling anyone anything. Give things a try on your own and see how you like it, then figure out how you want to do it.
     
    #2 WyldStyle, Dec 22, 2014
  3. antibinary

    antibinary
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    Genderfluid.
     
    #3 antibinary, Dec 23, 2014
  4. jay777

    jay777
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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    You might have a look here:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/155543-not-female-not-male-but.html#2
    and here:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4

    Its a lot of Information... I'd say take your time...

    You might play around a bit with clothing and hairstyle... it can be fun...

    You might think about talking to a gender therapist, or someone from an lgbt center... or a counselor from school...there might even be support groups...

    You might build some community on EC, for now chatting on their walls with other members, and after 14 days applying for full membership and joining the chat...


    (*hug*)
     
    #4 jay777, Dec 23, 2014
  5. Michael

    Michael
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    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    From my own experience dating a hetero cis guy is always a risk. If he is your average hc guy, he might never get it. There is others who might be a bit more open minded, but usually they are not. They feel attracted to what they think is just a cis hetero woman, and then they react negatively when they see you with short hair,etc...Any change, but lingerie.. And they'll make you feel miserable. I've had my share of them, they are just after a body, not a human being or even less to expand their mind with new stuff.

    Be honest for your own sake, not his. And don't trust his words : Put him to tests, let him see you wearing masculine clothing,etc.
    If he is not cool with who you are now, I doubt he ever will.
    And you sound pretty sure to me of being genderfluid. It's normal to wonder if we'd be accepted, but at the end of the day, it's much better to know that the ones around us accept us fully, for who we are, not in spite of. (*hug*)
     
    #5 Michael, Dec 23, 2014
  6. UsagiChan

    UsagiChan
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    Thank you! I like the idea of dressing in masculine/feminine clothes around him to see how he feels about it all. I'm into alternative fashion anyway. If he can't cope with my odd tastes, that's definitely a 'nope'. Here's hoping he takes it well. If not, then oh well. There are other more accepting people out there.


    Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I completely forgot to check this post! Having a very confusing time right now, and I'm glad for the support. I'll wait and see how things develop, hopefully in the right direction.

    (*hug*)




    Wow, thanks for all the replies. I completely forgot to check this post!
     
    #6 UsagiChan, Dec 28, 2014
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