"It's just a mental thing. You're still a man."

Hi again, everybody!

Well, so I've been telling a bunch of my close friends that I've been self-searching and have found out that I really like the idea of dressing more feminine than most guys (even though my wardrobe doesn't exactly accentuate the thought at the moment.).

I recently told one of my closest friends, who I've been the most afraid to talk to about it, and he says it could just be the mental state I'm in caused by everything that's happened to me over the years.

So, let's backtrack a bit. Here are the two events that have been in my mind for the last few years.

(2008. Not a gigantic one, but it's a big deal to me, I guess.): I was attending Temple University Japan and a bunch of American students started bullying me on a daily basis. One of them went as far as physically assaulting me, even. When I went to the dean, he blamed ME for what happened. I truly and honestly did nothing to provoke any attention to myself, nor did I even try to attract attention from those sleaze balls.

(2010. This event still haunts me to this very day.): I'm blind in my left eye, so I never thought anything bad would happen to my right. But ... lo and behold. The retina detached in my right eye due to congenital issues. I had to have major surgery to reattach it and save my vision. It's been a long, hard road .. but I think I turned out okay. I mean, it's not like I'm super depressed about it or anything like that. But the process of learning how to do things differently was frustrating, and the alienation was really saddening for a time.

But, should those really affect the way I feel about myself? It's not like I want to change who I am because of them. I just like the idea of being more feminine, that's all. Maybe full-on crossplaying, for that matter (I know it's really "cross-dressing", but I think that's a cuter way of putting it.).

I don't understand why some people aren't as accepting of this as I thought they'd be. I mean, it's not like my personality is going to change because of it. Sure, I'll look different, but it shouldn't affect the way people perceive me as a person.

When I told my dad I'm androgynous, the first thing he asked was: "Does that mean you're gay?"

To be honest, telling people and try to have them accept me for the way I'm choosing to live my life aesthetically is more difficult than the Japan thing and losing my eyesight combined.

Any help/advice/thoughts?

Thank you, guys! <3

 

Yeah, but the thing is, I don't understand why they think things will changes because of my physical appearance. I'm still the same person, aren't I?

I just happen to like crossplaying, that's all. I deserve to look cute, damnit! Haha.

 

The only think that I'm really concerned about is the vice part of it all. I mean, my vice is pretty high as it is, but it still has it's low tones at times. Should I start practicing raising the tone of my voice? Or should I not worry about it so much?

 

Well, it's not like I don't WANT to transition or anything like that. My parents would disown me. Plus, I don't know how the meds will affect my eyesight. So, this is as good as it's going to get.

And, no, I'm not doing this for all the love and affection from my female friends. Even though it's nice, I'm doing this for me. lol