Lately I've been feelings really uncomfortable with gender related issues and thus I searched the internet and landed here for help. This might be long buuuut- I was born female and have identified publicly as female since the day I was born, but for as long as I can remember I've never felt 100% female. When I was younger it was just a little girl being a tom-boy, as my parents would refer to it as, and that I was just tougher and liked more masculine things than other girls. One second I would be playing with dolls and the next second it was toy cars and digging through mud. I've always been fine with both and preferred it that way. When I got older and puberty set in I quickly discovered that I was bisexual and became very comfortable with my sexuality, but still not my gender. Most days I felt more traditionally male than female. I started shopping in the male section of clothing stores. Everyone played it off as "Oh she just likes male clothes because they're more comfortable and less revealing than female clothes" and me, being young and impressionable, nodded my head and went "yeah that's probably it" But that never explained why 50% of the time when I would masturbate I would imagine myself with the opposite genders junk... I took Psychology in high school and when we were learning about Freud and 'penis envy' I wrote my problem off as being something along those lines (yeah I know old, outdated stuff, but I was young and looking anywhere for answers). Recently I've come to accept that a lot of society was pushing me to think I'm something I'm not. I wasn't a tom-boy as a kid, I was expressing how I wanted to appear more masculine sometimes. I wore male clothes because there were times I wanted to look male. The fantasies weren't 'envy', I genuinely wanted the opposite sex's anatomy at times. It was honest dysphoria. Once I started realizing all of this I just got... really confused... I like being female. Sometimes I love my body and everything that comes along with being female. Other times I have overwhelming dysphoria and want nothing more than to not be female at all and my own body is super uncomfortable. It's terribly confusing.... Especially after writing it off as 'tom-boy' or some weird sort of envy for so long. Not to mention if I do make steps to make myself more comfortable (ex. cutting my hair short like I like it, presenting sexually as male when I feel male) how would I even explain that to people like my established boyfriend? He has a trans sister and he's very accepting and loves her very much, but I can't help but be nervous that it'd be different when he's dating the person. I don't even know what I would label myself either. I've done some research and found bigender, genderqueer, gendrfluid, but have no idea what the differences are and where that places me. I guess a part of me is just sort of embarrassed as well. I always get complimented as a 'really pretty girl' and even that's making me increasingly uncomfortable because they have no idea that sexually, physically, mentally I feel male sometimes. I guess I'm here for anything. Advice, help, other people who are like me with personal experience?
It seems we are both having a similar problem. I was born female, have dysphoria, however I don't want to have male parts. In a mental sense I don't want to be either as well. Maybe you could check my thread it might explain things better. I want answers too, could we be friends?(*hug*)
Aw of course(*hug*) Oh gosh we have another similar problem too. I've been a lot more panicky and my mood and appetite has been really bad lately the more I think about my gender. I think it's just the anxiety of wanting to feel comfortable (lately I've been thinking about shopping for things to start making myself feel more comfortable in my own skin and getting really shaky and panicky whenever I actually START shopping).
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...9807-figuring-out-my-gender-identity-s.html#4 Its a lot of information...I'd say really take your time... play a bit with hair and clothing style, it can be really fun... ask if you have further questions... people will try to support you... You're not the only one with clothing questions... http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/163500-advice-clothes-shopping.html you might try to build some community on EC, talking to others via wall messages... and you might think about talking to a gender therapist, someone from an lgbt center or a counselor from school... (*hug*)
(*hug*) Im here if youd ever like to chat, or ask questions about this. I know it can be very overwhelming to question your gender identity, especially after years of thinking gender is binary and that you HAVE to be a certain gender. Im here to help if you need it.
I'm in the same boat, friend. Basically exactly the same. I was born female and have never felt completely comfortable as a female. I was a huge tomboy basically all of my life. When I finally learned that there are more than two genders and of the term, and I had a vague memory from when I was about seven where I was looking at my body and was basically like "I have the body of a female. That is a fact. But why don't I feel female? Something isn't right." but I sort of just ignored it, until about a year ago. For about the past year I've identified as agender, just because I felt as if that was easiest. No gender. Neither male nor female. Not a boy or a girl. I do just see myself as a person, or would like to be seen as just a person. I am incredibly uncomfortable with my body and feel as if this isn't my body, or it wasn't supposed to be. I still identify as female in real life, but as agender online. I'm still figuring myself out. I hope you find yourself. Good luck, and I'm here as well.
This sounds very very similar to me. You might be bigender/genderfluid, but I think the questions you should be asking are things like "How do I wish my body could look?" and "How do I want people to identify me?" with regard to male/female. It might take a while before you arrive at a conclusion, and that is alright. Take as much time as you need to figure yourself out. One thing I used to find myself doing before I decided to transition is that I would be very critical of my habits and preferences. For example if I said something and it sounded very effeminate, or if I was wearing a feminine-looking shirt and I thought it looked good on me I would be like "Aha! See you can't be transgender or you wouldn't do that/feel that way!" But then other times I would find myself doing the opposite and taking the more masculine things I did to be evidence that I was actually transgender. I did this back and forth for a very long time, but eventually I realized I can't use those things as grounds for deciding whether I am transgender. They CAN be indicators, but they are by no means proof. I don't know if you do this too, but if you do, try not to. As I mentioned, I think it's better to look at your identity then it is to look at what you like and what you do. Right now, you have been socialized as female, so the things you do will often be a product of your upbringing. You need to ask questions about how you perceive yourself inside and how you wish you were on the outside. For the definitions of the words you were confused about: Genderqueer: an umbrella term that covers people who don't quite identify as 100% male or female Bigender: Literally "two genders," describes people who feel they are both male and female, and are sometimes more masculine and sometimes more feminine based on the context Genderfluid: Typically encompasses other genders besides male/female or a lack of gender, identity fluctuates or moves between genders Don't feel bad about your questioning or uncertainty, mate. This is a good place to be to help you figure it out. It's better to be questioning and take the time to know yourself than it is to hastily proclaim you are one thing and later find you are not content with your choice. Take as long as you need, and don't pay any mind to people who would judge you for it. It's difficult to understand struggles that you have never had to relate to, so they just don't understand you, that's all. And as for your boyfriend... I hate to say it, but you need to take a good long look at your priorities. If you arrive at the conclusion that you are (for example) a transgender male, and he does not accept you... what then? Are you going to stay with him and pretend to be something you are not for all your life or until you break up? I think if he cannot accept whatever you decide, then I recommend you move on to someone who can. Hopefully, it will not come to that. Fingers crossed that whatever you decide, he will be supportive and accepting. But if he is not, you must decide between whether you favor his happiness or your own more. Would you really want to be in a relationship with a man who does not accept you for who you are? It's a harsh situation, I'm afraid. But the decision of what to do next is yours.
I identified as female for a looooong time. But I was always tomboyish. I liked playing in the mud, camping, doing stupid things like riding bikes really fast down a steep bumpy downhill only to veer away at the last minute (and almost always fail). I never liked dresses. They were uncomfortable and I couldn't sit like I wanted too. I usually dressed in masculine clothing, or feminine clothing that was more neutral, basic ts, non-sparkly jeans (a tall order sometimes). It bothers me when I'm called a girl, or the guys in my classes come up and say, "Ladies" to me and my friend. But I don't know what I want them to call me so I usually ignore it. Also being called gorgeous or beautiful is weird for me. I like it when people say I'm flawless or flawfree because obviously those are more true (I jest). I have mild dysphoria about my genitals, and major about my chest. For the bottoms, I am not super happy with the equipment I have, but I think I'd be equally uncomfortable with the other tackle, so have decided to leave those as is. I've settled on calling myself neutral. Neither and both at the same time.
