Kind of feel like I'm holding yourself back from transitioning or doing something about my gender identity. I'm in the UK so I need to get referred by my GP to gender therapy which can take a few months, then I'd need to have a "year's experience", so basically I can't have any surgery for at least another 12 months if I want to do that. And if I do feel worried about it or feel I might be disphoric it's "need to just get on with things" or distract myself... maybe it's just my technique, maybe I need to let myself just feel what I'm feeling rather than force it away. Ugh I don't know, I bet I feel different and then this again. And I'm not even sure if I am transgender. I've been questioning wearing my packer when I have it on, but sometimes I look in the mirror (or computer screen), see my reflection and can feel it's not me. But sometimes it is? I'm not sure if this is genuine or if I've put it on myself. Actually it probably is real but these are the questions that go through my head sometimes. Just realised I don't actually have a question here... maybe, what are good ways to handle when you feel uncomfortable or sad or frustrated? How do you just go about your day not without wondering if you're doing things "male" or "female" and instead just you?
You might have a look here, if there are a few points that might help you: Feeling and here: emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-ge.../164030-mermaids-should-i-contact-them.html#2 and here: emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/153143-so-confussed.html#17 http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#4 (*hug*)
That year of experience is there to work out the exact feelings you're having. I don't know how you do it in the UK, but here in Sweden we have the same policy where you take a "real life" test that lasts for a year. Now during this time--if it's like here--psychiatrists will regularly talk to you to help you figure out what you want to help you transition to a point where you're happy. Some procedures might happen during the actual test instead of after. I know that here in Sweden they can start you off on hormones or top surgery in the middle of test rather than after, generally anything that isn't irreversible. As for your question, for me it's not so much as doing something female, male or just being me. It's more a question of what I -want- to be. I want to be female in every sense of the word, but there are many things about me I consider not female like my body language, voice and manner. I want to change that because I feel it is me, and the way I am now isn't. So whenever I get dysphoria over that--actually, dysphoria in general--I'll play a video game with customizable characters and play as a female character. That way I escape into the video game and I found that it actually helps at least me a lot with these feelings. It let's me be me.
