Forever Alone ?

Hi

I ws partnered til my late 20's but after we broke up i could not find anybody either.

Lead to marriage at 34 to a woman.

Keep looking. Be patient.

Tom

 

I know.

Now at age 56 i am forced to expand dating age pool.

It is a numbers game.

Never having one is better that 500 failures.

Tom

 

You might have a look at this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/149549-please-share-your-experience-internet-dating.html#18

 

i'm 31 on Tuesday. I haven't had many relationships at all, I don't like it worry me and I know some say 30 is gay retirement but I wouldn't worry. I just go around being all upbeat and a lot of people think i'm 24 haha!

 

I know for me I haven't had no relationships in the last 10 years. I feel your pain and sorta understand what you mean. Are you out? Just wondering.

I'm not, that's part of the issue for me and I know it. However, I'm not just yet willing to go ahead and come out just yet.

At the same time, try some dating sites. Just get to know people through those. Have you tried any?

 

I seem to have met all the weirdo's though the dating sites so I don't bother with them personally. I know full well I should go to some gay venues (not seedy clubs) and meet other men.

 

Really lonely... that i understand

 

thekspot , just because you have not been in a relationship yet does not mean a thing you have not found the right one yet but you will just have a little Patience I am sure you will find the right person

 

I feel similar..
Really I just want to be in a relationship, but I have social anxiety and issues just making new friends.


Hang in there.

 

Hi,

Social anxiety can be a bugger but if you can make one friend, one connection you have ability to find a relationship.

As a younger man i had social anxiety. All those high school and college things everyone else seemed to fall into where difficult for me. Some still are... but i did find guys and did have relationships.

What always killed the relationship was the "closet". To protect their closet they cut me loose (one 15 years, one 3 years). I was ready, had committed to these people and was ready to come out but when family pressure kicked in they failed me.

Closet is deadly to relationships.

Tom

 

Lets talk about...



It ain't the "closet" Bunky, it is anxiety.

Tom

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2014 at 05:01 AM ----------

Hi,

I know in my heart, regardless of age, many of us could be real world friends. Again, reardless if age many of us ciuld develop relatiinships beyond friends.

Why do I believe this? Shared life experience we could relate to with each other. I know where you are coming from and vice versa. It guves a foundation.

I have a best friend 20 years younger. We share anxiety. It was a foundation. We have very different lives and histories but he is tighter than family. I wish he was gay. Sadly he is straight impared. It was hIs friendship that taught me age doesn't matter. What matters is initial relatibility.

Maybe all my closest friends and loves share anxiety.

Tom

 

I generally feel a little awkward chiming in on dating discussions because although I've always been shy and awkward, I managed to stumble into a great relationship without even actually trying. (And the fact that two introverted, closeted, married, Catholic, conservative/Republican-ish guys with trust issues managed to fall in love before even being really out to the world is probably either the result of divine providence, or else one of the 7 signs of the apocalypse!)

What I will tell you is, work on yourself first before you worry about relationships. Confidence, self-awareness, honesty, concern for others, and the ability to laugh a little at yourself (without sounding like you're beating yourself up) are very attractive. Judgment--even judging yourself--and hiding and criticism, are buzz kills. And an old friend of mine made the crude observation years ago that someone's "desperation hangs in the air like a bad fart". If you give off the vibe that you're hunting anxiously for a relationship, you will attract either others who are equally desperate, or else people who prey on desperate people.

Improve yourself. Expand your interests and find things to be enthusiastic about. Give of yourself by volunteering and being involved, but don't give so much that all you are is a martyr for some cause or other. And don't blame the world for your problems. The world may not always be a friendly place, but most people have their own issues and aren't going to spend an extended time dealing with yours unless your issues are all you talk about. There are losers and cruel people and users out there, but they get easier and easier to spot and avoid once you're on to them. You might even find that independence is a bigger gift than you think. Some perpetually single people are very happy that way because they're secure with themselves. You won't know until you start really looking at who you are and deciding what you want out of life. Good luck!

 

Hi, Op.

Well...in a way you can say "we're both in the same boat" <- rhymes perfectly...

so seriously: I am 26, never had anything sexual or romantic with a girl, though let's just say that i wouldn't mind it. The reason i still belong to this forum i guess is that i am 90% straight or so...just not totally straight but prefer girls, so yeah i am guy and lgbt (bi).

In your case though the best advice i can give you is: improve yourself. Understand this as you wish: get fit, be more optimistic, learn another language, get social, make more $, surround yourself with more guys. You may as well try dating sites afterwords but i don't think it's the best option - i mean..like i said: i am like you...i've been with guys so you can say i understand what men want very wel, but where i "suck" is with the opposite sex, however now that you're gay then i am sure what i just wrote will help you.


I am willing to share more....if i don't annoy you .


well good luck!

 

Hi,

Do those things (not specifically those things, your wants) because they are things you want.

To develop six pack abdoninals because you think others want them... not so much.


Go on da

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2014 at 02:05 PM ----------

Go on a dating site and see all the headless torsos and see what i mean.

Kinda sad.

Tom

 

I don't know which dating sites you're on, but they are hardly all like that. Sure, there's some of that but it's a pretty small minority on the two sites I've been checking out.

YMMV. But that's not been anything close to my experience.

---------- Post added 6th Oct 2014 at 07:56 PM ----------

Cultivate yourself. Don't focus on finding a relationship. Go out and do things you enjoy where you can meet like interested people, especially if there is a gay organization that does that.

Figure out who you are and you'll find someone. Or at least you'll be so busy living and being happy enjoying yourself in the company of other people even if it's not in the context of a relationship that you might not notice so much.

 

When I first started playing golf, I had this awful slice that wouldn't go away. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of hitting the ball straight, the slice would come back again. Then a friend told me to go to the driving range and intentionally hook the ball 100 times in a row. That did the trick. The problem was my "idea" of what was a straight shot was actually a slice but I had no way of knowing that because I kept hitting the ball the same way every time; the way that felt right. I needed to experience the full range from hook to slice so I could "know" where the center was as apposed to "feeling" where is was.

You have the same problem with your dating. Because it feels like right, you repeat the same failing strategy over and over on your dates. This is really common and there is this technique that you can use that can show you what you are doing wrong and open you up to fixing it. The good news is you don't have to do this on a date or even with the same gender.

Next time you are talking with someone you just met, force yourself to only talk about them. Take yourself completely out of the conversation. If they ask you about yourself, be as brief as possible and turn the conversation back on them again. It will seem very awkward but that's the point. By doing this enough times you will eventually learn how to have a better balanced conversation with people and they won't get board as easily being around you.

Here's a tip to get you started. When you meet someone for the first time, ask them what they do for a living. No matter what they say you respond with, "That sounds really hard." That will almost always get them going. Remember your job is to keep the conversation on them. Try it and see how different it is from your previous experiences.

 

Hi cycling fan,

I thought you ere partnered a long time, if so how much recent experience do you have with dating sites? If it is an open relationship why advise people seeking monogamy? I am on a major site and over 50% have bare chested or ab photos.

Tom