Cynthia Nixon; Bisexuality

[toremi]

Here is an article where Sex and the City star Cynthia Nixon opens up about her sexuality. Apparently it is causing a bit of uproar because of her choice of words. Cynthia defined her sexuality as a choice; for her personality atleast. She eludes to be bisexual in the sense that it had nothing to do with "having her head in the clouds" when she was dating men, yet she was genuinely attracted to both.

What are your thoughts? Is the way she defines her sexuality offensive to other members of the LGBT community or does she have the right to define herself as she sees true?

Cynthia Nixon: 'For me, being gay is a choice'

[fiddledeedee]

I would not like someoe to and lable me, so I won't do it to her. If she is gay by choice, that is perfectly valid and there is no reason why it should be harmful to anyone. She and those around her are happy with her relationship, so I don't see how it makes a difference as to whether she is gay by choice or bisexual or what. She has a right to define herself as she sees fit, and the rest of us also have that right (or should). Yes, I think it is likely that she is bi, but who am I to know?

[steel03]

Well she's not gay technically, she's bisexual. So in a sense, she can choose whether to pursue a hetero- or homosexual relationship. In that way, she does choose to be gay.

But it clearly was NOT her choice to be bisexual, and her apparent refusal to acknowledge that is frustrating, and frankly a little disrespectful. Many of us have struggled for years and years with our sexuality, and have only truly been able to come to terms with it by recognizing that we have no say in the matter. Saying her sexuality is a choice is like telling us we really could be straight if we just *wanted* it enough. Well, that's utter bullshit. I don't know about the rest of you, but there was a long stretch where I would have sold my soul to be straight.
Which brings up another point. It's incredibly unfair to your significant other to be in a heterosexual relationship as a homosexual, and vice versa.
It all stems from a misunderstanding of the definition of homosexuality. Being gay does not mean you are in a relationship with the same sex, it means you are attracted to the same sex, and you do not choose whom you are attracted to. Period. The basic linguistics of the term even limit your say in the matter. You don't attract yourself to someone, they attract you. It's something done TO you, not BY you. You are the direct object of the verb rather than the subject, and there's no getting around that.

And you know, she absolutely has the right to define herself however she wants. But her public adamance about it is, as the article says, only going to serve as ammunition for hatemongers. Her misunderstanding of human sexuality plays perfectly into the bullshit mindset of the extreme right.

Seriously, one last time, say it with me: you choose the person you date, NOT the person you're attracted to!

[Zontar]

Originally Posted by steel03

Well she's not gay technically, she's bisexual. So in a sense, she can choose whether to pursue a hetero- or homosexual relationship. In that way, she does choose to be gay.

But it clearly was NOT her choice to be bisexual, and her apparent refusal to acknowledge that is frustrating, and frankly a little disrespectful. Many of us have struggled for years and years with our sexuality, and have only truly been able to come to terms with it by recognizing that we have no say in the matter. Saying her sexuality is a choice is like telling us we really could be straight if we just *wanted* it enough. Well, that's utter bullshit. I don't know about the rest of you, but there was a long stretch where I would have sold my soul to be straight.
Which brings up another point. It's incredibly unfair to your significant other to be in a heterosexual relationship as a homosexual, and vice versa.
It all stems from a misunderstanding of the definition of homosexuality. Being gay does not mean you are in a relationship with the same sex, it means you are attracted to the same sex, and you do not choose whom you are attracted to. Period. The basic linguistics of the term even limit your say in the matter. You don't attract yourself to someone, they attract you. It's something done TO you, not BY you. You are the direct object of the verb rather than the subject, and there's no getting around that.

And you know, she absolutely has the right to define herself however she wants. But her public adamance about it is, as the article says, only going to serve as ammunition for hatemongers. Her misunderstanding of human sexuality plays perfectly into the bullshit mindset of the extreme right.

Seriously, one last time, say it with me: you choose the person you date, NOT the person you're attracted to!

If we constantly have to justify how we live as "can't help it", what does that say about homosexuality to begin with?

[Markio]

I think she is entitled to define her own sexuality however she feels is most true for herself.

If others use her personal identification as a means of discrediting all other LGBT folk, then those others are at fault for making a generalization, not Cynthia Nixon.

[toremi]

Originally Posted by Markio

I think she is entitled to define her own sexuality however she feels is most true for herself.

If others use her personal identification as a means of discrediting all other LGBT folk, then those others are at fault for making a generalization, not Cynthia Nixon.

I lean toward agreeing with this. Its her choice to define herself; no where did she say this is he belief for the entire LGBT community, and denying her the right to speak openly about her sexuality is just as discriminatory as denying any other member of the community.

Whatever you believe is your way of ending up there is simply that, your belief.

My person opinion of myself, is that there was definitely a nature AND a nurture component to my sexuality but that is just my opinion.

And as a bisexual I will probably make a choice someday.

But I also understand why some people are off put by this, seeing her a role model and then hearing she doesn't have the same beliefs as them.

[steel03]

Originally Posted by Zontar

If we constantly have to justify how we live as "can't help it", what does that say about homosexuality to begin with?

I didn't say we constantly justify it that way, I said that's one of the only reasons many of us were able to accept ourselves for who we are. There's a big, big difference. You know what though? We can't help it. No one can help it. Not gay people, not straight people, not bisexual people. Not asexual people, for that matter. You're kidding yourself if you think you can help it. Of course you can't.

[Ridiculous]

From a purely utilitarian point of view, anyone saying that sexuality is a choice is harming our fight for equality, regardless of whether that statement is true or not. I doubt that our cause would have moved forward at all if we didn't have the argument that it is our in-born nature and therefore unchangeable. I'm sure there's atleast one person in the world who'll see this, and then assume that we can all choose and question why we should have 'special' rights for choosing something different.

However people should be able to choose their sexuality if they think that is right for them. In this circumstance, it is more important that the individual is happy, even if it isn't particularly helpful to our cause. She shouldn't be attacked because 1) it makes us look terrible as a community, and 2) it's simply just not a very nice way to treat her and the choices she should be able to make about herself.

[dreamcatcher]

I don't get why the only arguments for homosexuality are always "born this way" or "people have the right to choose". I guess from my own little soul searching and research I've come to the conclusion that sexuality is like personality. Personality is a complex mixture of nature nurture and the interactions between the two, much like sexuality is. Some people have a very rigid personality that does not seem to change much over the years (think stubborn grandparents who are fixed in their ways) while others have a personality that is more open to change. Similarly, sexuality can be rigid in some people and fluid in others. People's personalities are complex and diverse because otherwise we would all be the same and life would be very boring. Likewise, we've got gay, straight, bi/pan and whatever because if we were all straight, we would be sexually boring creatures and our fellow ape cousins would be a lot more interesting than we are. Finally, your personality isn't something that you can pick and it isn't something that you're born with. It just is. We don't get entirely how it works or why it's that way, we just know that it is. I feel like that's how sexuality should be like. It's not something like a disease that you can't help and it's not something that you choose on purpose. It just is.

With that rant said, Cynthia Nixon can say whatever she wants. If she wants to identify as gay, then she has the right to do so and we shouldn't judge her for it. I do think that she probably should have been more careful with her words. Like Steel was saying, a lot of people find comfort in thinking they were born this way. I think that's especially true of the older generations who had to endure shock therapy, behavioral therapy, and lots of other terrible things since being gay was thought to be an immoral choice (well sorta still is). I think it's hurtful to a lot of lgbt members who had to go through all this to hear someone say "well I feel like being gay because I want to and I think it's better" when they were ostracized and tried for so many years to be what society told them to be. So she probably should have worded it a bit differently. Maybe she should have said "I'm choosing to date women only now" instead of "I choose to be gay".

[Revan]

Interesting story today...

Cynthia Nixon insists she chose to be gay | CTV News

Cynthia Nixon says she "chose" to be gay.

The former 'Sex and the City' star is engaged to her long-term partner Christine Marinoni -- with whom she has an 11-month-old son Max -- and despite angering many people, she insists it was aa decision to become a lesbian.

Cynthia -- who was with former partner Danny Mozes for 15 years and had two children, Samantha, 15, and nine-year-old Charlie, with him - said: "I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line 'I've been straight and I've been gay, and gay is better.'

"And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it's not, but for me it's a choice, and you don't get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it's a choice, then we could opt out.

"I say it doesn't matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not."

Cynthia, 45, insists she hasn't always been gay and finds it "offensive" that people say she has.

She told The New York Times: "Why can't it be a choice? Why is that any less legitimate? It seems we're just ceding this point to bigots who are demanding it, and I don't think that they should define the terms of the debate.

"I also feel like people think I was walking around in a cloud and didn't realise I was gay, which I find really offensive. I find it offensive to me, but I also find it offensive to all the men I've been out with."

That's the whole story so you are aware.

[Pseudojim]

Seems she's bisexual and has very poor choice in words.

[Messed Up]

Originally Posted by Pseudojim

Seems she's bisexual and has very poor choice in words.

Agreed, like, a bajillion times over.

[Ridiculous]

Already have a thread a bit further down, Cynthia Nixon; Bisexuality

[toremi]

Cynthia Nixon; Don't define my gayness

She brings up a HUGE point for in this newer statement.

She WOULD label herself bisexual, but she doesn't like that word and she goes on to explain why:

"I don't pull out the bisexual word because nobody likes the bisexuals, Everyone likes to dump on the bisexuals...I just don't like to pull out that word. But I do feel that when I was in relationships with men, I was in love and lust with those men. And then I met Christine and I fell in love and lust with her. I am completely the same person and I was not walking around in any sort of fog. I just responded to the people in front of me the way I truly felt."

I wouldn't use the term "dump on" necessarily but I understand her viewpoint. Bisexuals get a kinda bad rap from people who don't understand, which seems to be good majority of people. We are the "fence setters" who are either "too scared to commit to a side" or "still in denial". It's not a good position to be in. And I resonate her statements about her previous relationships. Here I am today, just beginning to explore sex with men and everyone is looking at me like my previous relationships with women were "falsified cover-ups". It's simply not true. I can't even begin to state the amount of love I had for them.

As for her words and whether or not they will hurt the community? I don't see how an actresses words on her own feelings toward her own sexuality will hurt any cause. I can't imagine Cynthia Nixon will end the great debate of "born this way" or "choose this way". The fact remains the same either way... the equal rights that the LGBT community are reaching should be instated REGARDLESS of whether it is nature/nurture:birth/choice.

[Aya McCabre]

Posting this in both relevant threads. queerbychoice.com is a good resource for this point of view and something that people should read before judging.

[Aya McCabre]

Posting this in both relevant threads. queerbychoice.com is a good resource for this point of view and something that people should read before judging.

[thedreamwatch]

Originally Posted by Aya McCabre

Posting this in both relevant threads. queerbychoice.com is a good resource for this point of view and something that people should read before judging.

I don't know about the quality of ALL of the information on this site, but some of it rang true.

It's hard to say what this all really implies. I guess my only thing is this:

Whether or not I chose to be this way, I am a human being and worthy or rights and respect. I am not hurting anyone.

I think that should be our focal point. Choice has been a last defense, because yeah, most of us can't really remember making it a point to choose who we are attracted to but that's not even the point. The point is, we aren't doing anything wrong by being queer.

[Homo Novus]

Ok. Why do people have such an issue with this? If she says she "chose" her sexuality, then that's her reality... Who are we to judge!? In fact, why does it have to be either biological, or a choice? Why so black and white? Why not somewhere in the middle? We're all different... Get over it. We, of all people, should recognize that.

[Shevanel]

Originally Posted by Homo Novus

Ok. Why do people have such an issue with this? If she says she "chose" her sexuality, then that's her reality... Who are we to judge!? In fact, why does it have to be either biological, or a choice? Why so black and white? Why not somewhere in the middle? We're all different... Get over it. We, of all people, should recognize that.

[stuwee]

She chose, she is, I accept her