Hi My 13yr old daughter told me last night that she is a lesbian. She walked into the room and said " mum, I like girls" It took me a second to realise what she actually meant and I'm afraid my response was only " oh, ok" She then went on to tell me about her netball tournament. We had more of a conversation today, her friends at school all know and have been really supportive. She has had support from her registration teacher as well. One wee boy has been a bit of an ass but she just told him he wasn't funny and to be quiet. One of her classmates also told this boy off. We had a good chat and I'm confident that she will talk to me if she needs to, she has good support from her class and teacher . My biggest worry is her father, we are divorced and have been for a while. Unfortunately he is not the most tolerant of people. She has said herself that she is a bit worried about how he will react. I don't really know what to do there. She says she will see how she feels about telling him. I just want to do right here, any advice or suggestions any of you can make would be great. I love my daughter more than anything in this world and as long as she is happy and healthy I don't care who she loves. Thank you x
Hello, Perhaps your daughter could tell her father in a letter, and ask him to write one back with anything he has to say or questions. Make sure he knows that everything about her is the same, apart from now she's ready to be looking for a relationship, and for her that's with other females. Perhaps, if they meet up later, to see if he can help her decide whose a good girlfriend from the bad girlfriend like how [I think] people do for their daughters who like males. Perhaps, if she agrees, you can tell her father and next time they meet get him to say ''so ... you got a girlfriend yet?'' [In that really annoying way most parents do] so that she knows that he's accepting.
Hi weefoot, welcome to EC! First, thanks for being such a great mother. Like i use to say to the mothers that come to the forum, we need more people like you in this world. I'm happy to see that you are supportive You are already doing a huge thing for your daughter, by talking to her and supporting her. Seriously, i cannot express how much this is important to the person that is coming out. If you haven't done this yet (apparently you already did), let her know that it doesn't matter what others will say, you are there for her. Also, let her choose when to tell her father. It is also important not to break her trust, so respect her decision if she doesn't want to tell her father right away. Hugs (*hug*)
Hi Secrets5, I think the letter is a great idea. Thank you. I will suggest it to her when she is ready to tell him. Chiroptera, thank you for the hug. It was much needed I worry so much that I will do the wrong thing as a parent. It is difficult not having a partner to share your hopes and fears with. X
I understand how it must be difficult for you, but I think you're doing a good job ^^ Just letting her know that you support her is important. And since most people around her seem to be supportive as well, I think it'll be alright. Just wait until she's comfortable enough to tell her father, whether through a letter or directly. Hopefully he is accepting too.
You're doing good The fact that you want to be supportive means a lot. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/paren...50-every-parent-who-has-ever-posted-here.html A lot of people here seem to agree ^.^ I personally think your "Oh, okay" reaction was good. I mean, you didn't treat it like abnormal, you just accepted it and moved on with the conversation. As for unaccepting parents, I'm afraid that probably won't change. Maybe your daughter should try to gauge his views on the LGBT community: for example, news events, celebrities who are gay/bi. If he doesn't respond well, I wouldn't reccommend she tell him. It would seriously hurt to lose the support of a parent and have them constantly invalidating your identity. I talked with my parents about homosexuality and I know they've treated other gay family members in a bad way, so I'd not tell them until it was necessary. Of course, if your daughter feels it is necessary then she should do what makes her most comfortable. Good luck.
Weefoot, It seems you have the situation handled pretty well, but I felt that my input may boost a little more comfort with the letter idea. I have a close friend who is a lesbian and knew her parents were not very comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. She decided to write a letter to her parents explaining to them that she really was gay and that she had a girlfriend (she was about 19 at the time so it is a bit different than with your daughter). She knew that she needed to tell them officially and the letter seemed to work really well. They wrote a response back as well and though they are still not thrilled that their daughter is attracted to other women, they still love her and treat her just as they always had.
You're a great mum! You seem to be pretty supportive of your daughter which is great! The topics on her father well no parents is ever happy and jolly when there kid comes out but you never know. I've heard of people worrying about coming out to there parents and yet when they did some of there parents took it well. Heck there was even a grandfather on here who found out his granddaughter was gay and he wasn't all that supportive of gay rights or gay people but after finding that out he couldn't care less who his granddaughter loved. Anyways if she does decide to come out to her father I wish you both all the luck in the world! HUGS! (*hug*)
Loveislove01, thank you for sharing that post. I am away to let these tears that are threatening come x Thank you all, I guess if I am being completely honest with myself I am still a wee bit shocked . I didn't have any idea how she was feeling, and I think I feel she is still my baby and too young to be thinking about relationships ( with boys or girls) I am worried about her more now because I know how bloody cruel some people can be. xx
Aw, you sound like a wonderful mum. Someone suggested a letter for her to write to her dad before, I think that's a really good idea.
Homophobia is the real lifestyle choice; sexuality is a biological reality. You can't protect your daughter from all negative reactions, but you can help her increase her self-confidence through your support. You might offer to talk to her father after she comes out. Also, I know in the US many schools now have gay-straight alliance clubs; you might look for similar groups.
Good job! You are doing a great job already. Letters can be good, even texting can work. Sometimes texting is a good medium because it's like a conversation that you can think through. Although in general I think an in person chat has to be close in time to any written communication, either before or after. Don't let written communication be the only avenue. Definitely let your daughter decide her own timeline, though, which it seems like you are already doing.
She asked me to tell her dad, didn't go great but better than I expected. He is going for the bury his head in the sand option, better than some of the alternatives I suppose! X
