Hi my name is Chris and I joined this forum because I really don't have anyone to talk about my sexuality with and would like to be a part of a place where people are like me and might be able to identify with some of what I'm going through. I have always been attracted to both men and women but have never been in a real relationship with a women. This is simply because I was in two longterm relationships with men, the last being the father of my two daughters. I was married for 15 years and am in the process of getting a divorce. I was very unhappy and can tell you I was never sexually compatible with either and I am starting to believe that perhaps I am a lesbian instead of bisexual. I was always more attracted to women than men and over the last 5 years or so have lost most attraction to men in general. I find that I am attracted to some men but have no desire to be with one. Being free of my marriage is the greatest feeling imaginable.. I didn't know what a terrible fit it was until I was out of it. I now see that my marriage failed partially because I was in the wrong role. I really enjoy the mans traditional role and love to do all the things that a boy would do for his girl. It makes me very happy however I am not extremely boyish and feel a lot of gender confusion regarding this. I have no idea where I fit in and feel like if a girl wanted someone who acted like a boy she would want a boy. I don't know if that is ridiculous or not but it leaves me feeling like a freak. I really have no same sex couples to compare roles to to know how it works for other people. All I know is that is the role I want so very much to play and the thought of it makes me happy. After spending a lifetime pretending to be someone I am not I am stepping out. I have no idea what my soon to be exhusband or 7 and 11 year old daughters will think or do or how to tell them. I feel like at 36 I'm too old to be going through this sort of thing but hear I am feeling worried, confused and like a freak yet hopeful and excited at the same time. I know who I am I just am unsure what to do with myself for lack of a better way to describe it. Leaving my marriage and admitting these things to myself and a few close friends has left me feeling vulnerable like dear god i hope i am doing the right thing. My Mom kept saying it was probably a phase and I needed to just hang in there. I think now she sees its a lot more than that and she supports me but I don't think most others will understand why I am leaving my marriage. Falling in love with a girl made me realize so many things about myself I never knew and I know even if I can't be with her I will never be able to put these things back in the box. I am forever changed and so glad I am allowing myself to see these parts of me I never looked at before. Has anyone else gone through these feelings or a similar situation?
Hi and welcome to the forum. I don't see any gender confusion in you post to tell the truth. You seem to question gender stereotypes and you came out as lesbian. Both are pretty common and normal. "If a girl wanted someone who acted like a boy, wouldn't she find a boy?" lol, hardly - if she was a lesbian. There are (can be) roles in same sex relationships too - one is dominant, the other is not etc.
"I like a lot of stuff that is considered guyish. I know that these are stupid gender roles forced on us by society, but it feels like more than that. I don't feel like I have gender identity issues...I love being a girl. But I want to take on more of those guy roles. I want to mow the lawn and build things. I would love to have a workshop with tools and things set up so I can build my own furniture and create things. I want to take care of a woman. Most of my sexual desires center around what I want to do to a woman. I know I am the type that will take the lead in the bedroom." Excerpt from: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...8965-can-someone-explain-what-soft-butch.html by phoenixverde (I love the way she wrote it... probably because I more or less feel the same way myself:icon_wink) Absolutely not if she's a lesbian :icon_bigg I don't think there's such a thing as too old to be questioning oneself regarding those sort of things (!)
Don't feel bad about being gender confused at your age as it can happen to anyone at anytime. I'm just as confused as you are. I thin that a lifetime of oppression and being stuck in an expected role can make you feel pushed down and want to blow up. Just know that a lot of us here are in the same boat with you.
I can relate to this. When I was realizing my attraction to women, I noticed that especially for the girls my age, I wanted to be a total gentleman to them, take them on dates, buy them nice things, take the lead, etc. This wasn't as true for some women who were older than me and more dominant, but I wanted a more egalitarian role with them. With guys, I never liked the idea of a man doing romantic things for me: buying me things, including dinner (but my desire to have free food overpowered it), opening doors for me, pulling out a chair for me, etc. But, I'm also not very masculine. I'm not the most feminine woman out there, but I'd call myself a femme. I definitely do feel pretty masculine around women I'm attracted to (who are femme). When watching old movies, I don't see myself as the guy, but I see myself replacing the guy. "Hey, Liesl. Rolf is a jerk. Let me show you something better than a man..." However, my understanding of gender identity is that you want to have the body of the opposite sex you were assigned at birth. I never felt a desire to have a penis, or facial hair, etc., and I love my body (on most days). I think I'm either not romantically attracted to guys, or I just have some weird personality that conflicts with the dominance men are supposed to have. I hope this helps you out!
