My sexuality has gone from being something that barely even crosses my mind, to recently being something I think about on a daily basis. Has anyone else ever had this, could it be something to do with perhaps really trying to figure things out at last? Is it possible I've been ignoring it, maybe because after I had a relationship with a girl at 15, I've been 'straight' ever since? I put it down to a 'phase' and now I'm not so sure. Could this maybe be realisation time? I still haven't had experience with a girl since, but I want to more and more, and questioning my sexuality is something I cannot stop thinking about recently. It's so tiring. :bang:
Girl, you will find around here people that think about their sexuality 24/7/365. Welcome to the club, i'm the president. If this becomes tiring, i suggest you contact a therapist, he may help you a big deal. Also remember that you don't have a duty to label yourself first to date and have sex with a girl. Just go, and if she asks tell her "i don't know, i have to make lot and lot of sex with you to be sure...".
"President Ristampa", I like it! Haha Yeah about labelling, I understand it's not necessary but dating and having sex with a girl requires either first letting friends know or just letting them find out. I don't want to be the one who is 'testing the waters', (again!) just to find out I don't even fancy girls! I think I'm nervous of doing that, because I did the "phase" thing but I put it down to that and left it there. But I was so young! I wrote more about my situation here if you fancy a read. I just want to be sure!
Think about this, if a very beautiful girl starts dating you and then tells you “i’m very attracted to you and want to have sex with you, i think i’m gay but still i can't be sure 100% because i’ve never been with an other girl since high school, but right now i like you so much i want to be more gay than Ellen” are you going to be offended or feel diminuited? I mean , after the “i want to have sex” part are you even going to be concentrated enough to listen to the rest? Or are you scared that you could turn straight during sex? When you think about sex with a beautiful girl, do you feel bad? Do you think sex is not going to be great? If you know it is, that's all you need to know! And what is the problem with you not telling your friends immediately? They will be happy for you, and if they are not, you need new friends girl.
That all makes a ridiculous amount of sense, it's so easy in writing... oh one little thing that makes me mad, at the start of uni (2 and a half years ago now), a guy friend turned to me and said, and it sounded quite sincere "are you a Lesbian?". It threw me off, it was unexpected and I'm pretty feminine. At this time I hadn't really though about my attraction to girls since "the phase", had been fooling about with guys, lost my virginity etc etc - anyway I said "haha, no!" I laughed it off, he laughed it off. Since then there's been this long standing thing that "I'm a lesbian"... and all this time I've been wondering if I am!! Why did I not take that chance to say, well maybe, "I'm open with my sexuality, I think I could love a person regardless of their gender" or something!? Anything?! Anything that wasn't "No". So now if I turn around and say, well actually I think I might be, that's 3 years of awkward joking! I didn't exactly help myself back then, hey?
So 2 and a half years ago when asked if you were gay, you said no. That is terrible girl, i can't believe it. I mean, i bet nobody here has never ever done that! Now when your friends discover that you were lying at that time, they will refuse to talk to you, and lesbian girl will not date you for this! Come on girl, be more relaxed. Nobody cares about this story except you, your friend may even not remember it. And if he does he will simply say "AH!! i knew it!!".
It depends. It may be your personality. I went from denying I am gay everyday, to dreading being gay everyday, to accepting but hating being gay everyday, to trying to avoid being exposed everyday. Maybe you are a worry wort, and need to resolve things in order to get them off your mind. I attempted to distract myself with drugs, partying, and hook-ups, but that only works for a year or two, then you realize you are the same depressed person as you were before.
I've been thinking about my sexuality literally every day, multiple times per day, for a couple of months, so it's not abnormal at all! I think for me, it's a sign that I'm not as straight as I used to think I was (and I never really thought that anyway, I only started thinking about my sexuality at all in the past few years) so even though it's frustrating to always have it on my mind, at least I know that I'm not paranoid!
I denied the possibility so many times when I was a teen. Like everytime I'd bring it up around family, I'd have to hear the usual, "Oh you just haven't found the right guy," or the "Don't protest too loudly," whenever my sexuality was mentioned. Those types of statements really made me sweep the thoughts under the rug, yet I found journals from my teen years, particularly my later teen years where I'd question my sexuality and attempt to list reasons why I thought I might be bisexual. As I got older, the questioning provided clearer and more noticible reasons. And then when one of my friends came out two years ago, I revisited my questioning because I wanted to come to terms once and for all. Although I came out three times, once as bisexual (implied) and twice while in a lesbian relationship as bisexual leaning lesbian, I still questioned often. Since my good friend and I broke up last year though, my questioning decreased, and I've observed that maybe I just don't have the interest in guys as much and that I never really had the interest in dating them or pursuing them, so I identify predominantly as homoflexible/Demisexual for the most part for that reason. I'm pretty fluid though.
This happens to me all the time! I constantly think of my sexuality, reassuring myself that I am bi, etc. I think it's just a feeling of wanting to make sure who are. I would experiment with the same gender to get a final answer. I'm at the point of confusion that the only way for me to be sure it just to expirament. Also, since "the phase" showed up again, maybe it's not a phase?
Every since I found out my sexuality I think of my sexuality, boys, and lgbt stuff every day. I embraced the fact that I'm bi and therefore I allowed loving boys into my mind.
You make me chuckle with how sarcastic you are - I read this and just laughed because I know that what you say is logical, I'd give the same advice to other people, they say you should take your own advice! There's knowing what is best to do and then there's doing it. I forget I'm *virtually* surrounded on EC by people who feel or have felt many of the same emotions as I am, I read comments one by one thinking "me too!" "haha omg me too!" "ooooh I totally get that!". Weird and nice after having kept most of these thoughts to myself.
I see you get it , you are ready to be the treasurer of the club. I too am much more good at giving advices that following them. You can check my own thread "very confused" and you will understand what i mean. But this doesn't matter. A good advice is a good advice, whether the guy that gives it is following it himself or not. So to sum it up: 1) you don't have to label yourself to date a girl and have sex with her , you can do it when you want, and if in the past you told people you were straight, it doesn't matter, just like it doesn't matter if now you say you are lesbian and then you meet me and fall desperately in love and want to have sex with me (always a possibility) 2) you don't have to be 100% sure that you will be gay forever before you say that you are gay, remember that this is impossible ,in this world you can't be 100% sure over nothing 3) if you get tired, contact a professional therapist , it will help you. There is nothing wrong in seeing a therapist. A big hug from italy girl (*hug*) .
Just found this thread and I'm in the same situation as you OP... Kind of always known but then pushed it down. Always been questioning the last 4/5 years... But looking back I clearly knew at a young age that I wasn't straight it just didn't fully register - hello fit PE teacher Recently it's been on my mind soo much, especially at night while I'm in bed. I know I'm not straight at all but I'm not gay - if you get what I mean. Just a bit confused really, labels aren't helping... My friends know that I have seen a women before and I don't really like having sex with men. But I get these attractions to women and then I sort of get scared of these attractions... I guess I'm just a bit lost at the moment... I feel like i'm going through this teenage angst in my 20's more so than when I was a teen! Urgh... sorry rant over!
No kidding. It's really not something that I've given tons and tons of thought to over the years, probably because I can go quite awhile without getting a crush on someone, but I've been thinking about it nonstop for the past couple of months and it's making it really difficult to fall asleep. It's kind of weird -- when I go to bed I'm all convinced that I'm ready to finally come out and by the time I wake up in the morning it feels like that's a pipe dream.
Yeah I know that feeling. I've recently moved to a new city and everyone I meet know's im bisexual if it comes up in conversation - not something I'll be like "Hi, I'm Clarkey and I like boobs" But telling my family is a different matter (some would be okay some wouldnt) and having to explain what bisexuality is really (Pretty sure my family thinks its something to do with threesomes)... got to love those conservatives! Its strangely nice to know someone else is... I figured in my 20's I'd have this stuff all figured out. I think I need to start actually putting effort into dating again and try not to weird people out with my awesomeness and awkwardness at the same time
I wish I had figured this out! I sometimes imagine how things would be now if I'd have figured out enough about myself to be more open when I came to uni!
