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I am sick to death of feeling this way, please help.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ConfusedGuy4321, Oct 27, 2014.

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  1. ConfusedGuy4321

    ConfusedGuy4321
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Ever since I was young I determined myself as straight. Sure, we all have those mishaps when we're younger, and I in particular was assumed 'gay' by my family - but how can you even label somebody at such a young age?

    I never thought about my sexuality, and other routes for that matter, until I was around 12. I started realizing that men can like men, women can like women and visa versa - and I was totally accepting of that. I grew up in several relationships - I wouldn't exactly call them 'serious', as they were from the ages of 12-14 - but they were all with women, and never[/B did I think otherwise. In all of these relationships I was extremely affectionate - I was always focused on who I was with, and as I aged I was more than keen to have sex with them. If we were play fighting, I would get an erection and it felt 'good'.

    Once I matured a little, I found myself feeling no emotion for anybody. Sure, I had crushes (all of which were women), but I never found myself thinking about a relationship, and a sexual one at that. I'm 16 now, and I am becoming more and more confused with myself. I have masturbated over women, but also men. I have never masturbated over a man in a sexual way (if that makes any sense), because it was always over something I envied - be it their body, physique or ability to date women on a frequent basis. This then led to great confusion, I was thinking "Why am I masturbating over men, if I only want to be with a woman". I would never have a relationship with a man, and I say that because I know I would never be truly happy. Being with a man in my eyes is wrong for me, and I can only see myself with women.

    I once left it a week without masturbating, to see if I would 'enjoy' it more. I did, and when it came to it, it was straight porn that I watched - and it was amazing. Don't get me wrong, I have seen gay porn and I have had it off to a few (probably around 5 times in my life), but it was only because it seemed more passionate and it was something 'different'. There's been times when I watched an episode and something within it disgusted me, like an aspect of the intercourse put me soft and prevented me from continuing - it was more the 'sounds and aggression' that I found so appealing. I have never thought about sexual contact with a man, but for some reason when I don't watch porn, it's only ever the people that I admire, that I masturbate to - but again, nothing sexual within it. I just imagine them having sex with a girl. I have had it off to people like David Beckham and so on, because I do find them attractive - but only physically - but it's like I'm 'forcing' it upon myself. I have done it over women, but I find it so much more difficult to get 'hard' - I can't get hard over women through pictures like I can with men (but I have done, sometimes) - they'd have to be there in front of me, naked for me to get 'fully' hard.

    I have been speaking to a girl who I do have feelings for. I'm not sure if she feels the same, but I am extremely attracted to her and I would do sexual things with her - but I often worry that if it comes to that, I won't be 'fully there'. I worry that I might not be able to enjoy it, or get hard enough, simply because I found myself focusing more on guys I envy and stuff. It was difficult at first because the girl thought I was gay, which I took great offence to.

    I really don't know what to do, who I am or whatever. When I masturbate over a dude, I feel so guilty and I ask myself the 'am I gay' question every single time, and it really doesn't help.

    Can somebody please help me? I know you can't really label me, but you could maybe give a personal verdict and maybe some advice. It's all I ask for.

    I'm sorry this is so graphic, but I figured without it, it may not help you with what I'm asking

    Thanks

    ConfusedGuy4321
     
    #1 ConfusedGuy4321, Oct 27, 2014
  2. ConfusedGuy4321

    ConfusedGuy4321
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    Anybody?
     
    #2 ConfusedGuy4321, Oct 27, 2014
  3. AKTodd

    AKTodd
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    Ok, I'll take a shot at this.

    Some things I'm noticing here:

    a) You talk about having feelings for women, yet at the same time you also seem to be saying you don't have feelings for much of anyone. Although you also say you are sexually attracted to this girl.

    b) You say more than once that when you masturbate to thoughts of a guy, it's to someone you admire and you imagine them having sex with women.

    c) You say that you 'know' that you need to be with a woman, that you 'know' they would need to be naked in front you to get aroused, and that you 'know' that being with a man isn't right for you. But I'm not getting a strong sense that you're speaking in anything other than theoretical terms for having sexual contact with either a man or a woman. If I'm wrong on that, please let me know. And that what you 'know' does or doesn't work for you is based more on intellect than emotion. Again, I'm just basing this on your one post, here.

    Putting all this together, I find myself thinking/wondering about a few things:

    First, how is your self-esteem and self-image? Are you happy with your body or do you feel there is some amount of room for improvement?

    Second, in reading what you describe, I find myself wondering how much of your feelings re men and women are based on actual feelings and 'gut reactions' and how much are based on you thinking about it and deciding at an intellectual level what you should or shouldn't be liking?

    Finally, based on what you've written, I find myself wondering if you might be bisexual. Or gay. Obviously, I'm not you but I can tell you that the whole 'I'm only thinking about this guy (and his body and his physique) because I envy him' is something I've heard before, including from myself when I was a lot younger and hadn't figured out I was into guys yet. Does this mean you are gay? Or bi? I don't know, insufficient information at this point and really, only you can answer this - but to do so you need to be totally honest with yourself.

    As far as advice, I'd suggest the following:

    a) Try masturbating to fantasy alone - and with no preconceptions or judgement about what you 'should' be fantasizing about. Just let your mind go where it will and see what happens and how it feels.

    b) Take some time and go out in the world and allow yourself to 'check out' guys for a while. Again, no preconceptions and no judgement and no 'should be' about it. Just let it happen and let yourself react to it and see how you feel. Now try the same exercise at a later time, but this time allow yourself to check out women. Now, which one feels better?

    c) Finally, try to stop feeling guilt over masturbating to guys. Really, there's nothing to feel guilty about - you're not harming anyone by doing this, based on everything you've written here. So no need for guilt.

    My 2c worth, and hope this helps -

    Todd
     
    #3 AKTodd, Oct 27, 2014
  4. Chromedome

    Chromedome
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    I think avoiding saying that you find men attractive. You masturbate to men you have muscles etc and look like they could get women? Well maybe it's because you find them attractive and by them being attractive they look like they could you. Are you like, " oh yeah this muscular handsome hot guy naked in my eyes looks like he can be attractive to women and that's hot," does that make sense?

    Look into the mirror and tell yourself what you said out loud. you say you only get hard to women with men but not the woman alone. well I think you are attracted to the guys being around with the women and that makes the scene attractive. I used to do that, i watched straight porn and paid attention to how good the guys is having sex with the woman but I realised that I'm more or less ignoring the girl and when i watch pron with only a women or lesbian porn i lose my hardness, I can watch a not naked guy and get turned on. Straight guys get turned on by clothed women with just a little boobs showing even; I think your fear and guilt of being gay, the pressure , the discrimination, afraid of being harassed called 'queer' or a 'fag', what your family will says is making you feel guilt and prevents you from admitting that you like guys. I'm just like you, I want to be straight and like women but I know to myself I won't really enjoy being with her or even be able to get hard for her. Emotional attraction is made up by spending time with someone, you have to want to be with that person while sexual attraction is more instinct and turns you on naturally by the gender and physique etc. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/156433-calling-all-lgbt-individuals.html
    As the previous reply said, try seeign what turns you on within your mind alone, without any porn.
     
    #4 Chromedome, Oct 27, 2014
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