Okay. So I guess I need people to talk me down here. I'm so used to heterosexual relationships (specifically one relationship) that I'm having a hard time here. My partner is ..uh...well versed in same sex relationships so I rely on her for the standards and such. But she went out with a girl from work for a happy hour just the two of them, and it makes me uncomfortable. In a hetero relationship that would be very unorthodox, but in a same sex one...idk. Aren't most people friends with people of the same gender? How could I possibly be made uncomfortable by that. I will add that I've never met that girl. They stayed out really late. There has been some other lying around this girl. OH and my partner and I were both in committed relationships when we met...So...we don't have the most trustworthy framework. She's been really supportive, owning up where she was wrong, and being as transparent as possible But I'm really struggling to get past this. Like she works with her...ANd she's gorgeous. Outshines me by a million....I'm having a hard time. Has anyone else had a hard time with that? ALSO - how did you not go crazy? Because that's my challenge... :bang::bang:
Ok, first of all you two need better communication. Weather or not you want a monogamous or open relationship needs to be addressed. It sounds like you prefer not to share. That should mean you being faithful also. Sit down and have a real conversation about your relationship. Ask what she wants, tell her what you want. If you are not on the same page, realize it's important to pursue a relationship with someone who wants the same thing as far as monogamy is concerned. Both people in the relationship should want the same thing or else it will never work. Example, if you want an open relationship and your partner does not, she will be hurt and jealous and untrusting. And, vise versa
Sorry for the confusion, but we are both under the impression that we want to pursue monogamy. She is going out with another girl as a friend not sexually or romantically. I just have hard time getting comfortable with that. But at the same time, she should be able to have friends...
I would think the previous lying is what is causing you to be uncomfortable no matter what your gf says about this girl now. I don't know how to get around this but maybe "logic" your way out of it? Is this workmate gay? Or even gay-adjacent? If she's not, you can stop worrying about a cheating scenario. I know from experience that working with people hour after hour, year after year, you can build up an very easy camaraderie which has absolutely no romantic component. From the outside, I'm pretty sure these friendships look weird to the people in one's personal life. I wouldn't worry about it. Your gf may even be hesitant to talk about her because you're obviously unhappy with their chumminess, however innocent it is. I would tell her that you trust her (hopefully you do) and you'd like her to tell you anything about her work friend she'd like. You should be willing to accept anything she tells you on face value. What do you think?
Thanks, Really. I think you're right. I need to be willing to accept whatever she tells me at face value or it won't be healthy. It's just so easy to get wrapped up in that toxic doubt...it poisons the well I think. The work friend is not gay, and is actually in a relationship with a guy, but so was I when we met...so I just jump to conclusions. Ugh I just feel so worthless in this... blech.
You're not worthless. But I do think you can and should retrain your way of thinking about this. With some self-talk, maybe? "I trust her. I am the girlfriend. She comes back to me. We are fine." It would be quite something if your gf had some knack for finding all the "straight" girls who were on the verge of realizing they weren't. I doubt it. Otherwise she should be hiring herself out to the lesbian community. Do something nice with your girlfriend to remind yourself why you like being with her. Try not to worry. And take it easy on yourself.
Hi Bibliovian I had a similar question last year, this time from a gay guys perspective, in which I attempted to map my straight past experience into the gay world. Perhaps the replies I received will give you some insight, but I don't know how this relates to lesbian couples / friends. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/lgbt-later-life/172422-question-gay-couples.html SaleGayGuy
