One year later and still struggling with ED and my real self

Hey, like I suspected on the other sub-forum, it's the bottom fetish thing. From what I know, it's not really a 'classic middle-of-the-road Kinsey scale bisexual situation'. You seem unconvinced of your previous therapists although they seem very right. Find someone who you can trust, and also try going to a sexologist. Maybe they will be more helpful in explaining this to you.

 

Bottom fetish meaning, you get very turned on by being in a sexually submissive position. It usually doesn't affect other areas of sex life but when it does, I think it's called a paraphilia. Not sure though.

This fetish you have, what do you feel when doing it ? Does it make you feel you're low status or wanting to please the person by being in a humiliated position or something like that ? Can you associate your turn on with any such thing ? The psychology here is that you're mind is trying to master the negative emotions you've been affected with. If you don't think your turn on has any such association, then it's pretty normal, like a normal fetish caused probably by sexual fixation. It's just what you really prefer. But it seems o be influencing your other parts of sexuality.

Since you're affected during performance, it may reflect your personality. Are you always a quiet, less self-esteem or less confident personality who just waits for people to tell you what to do ? Maybe if you improve your personality in these aspects, it might help. This last part is all possibilities and thoughts. You should talk to a therapist.

It's most likely nothing to do with sexual orientation. It's most likely to do with other aspects of your sexuality. I think you should reduce your anxiety over possible orientation denial.

 

Seeking a LGBT counsellor wouldn't be a bad idea.

Stop watching porn for a while. Use your own fantasies, and let your mind wander. That'll be a more accurate indicator. This is no doubt draining, as it was for many of us. You'll have to push through.

As for your ED, talk to your doctor about it. There might be something else going on.

If penis's turn you on, it's safe to say that you aren't heterosexual (a zero on the Kinsey scale).

Also, using the term "shemale" is offensive to transgender individuals, so please reconsider your choice of words. You wouldn't call a transgender a shemale in real life right?

 

Hey James,

That was a really interesting read and I was struck by how remarkably similar your situation sounds to me own. I mean, I can draw comparisons with a lot of posts on here but yours really is me down to the last word.

Given my interest in your post I thought I'd have a little look at the original post which you sent a link to and I can see that I took a similar interest the first time around lol. Apologies as I seem to have dropped off the radar after the last time you replied to me.

My situation now? I identify as bisexual/pansexual if forced to put a label on it but only because these are the labels which come closest to describing me. The truth is, neither label is accurate. I guess I consider myself queer or just kinky or just 'not straight'. Accepting that seems to have led to a new level of self acceptance.

I was actually seeing a trans girl for a few weeks. It didn't work out for various reasons but the sex was great. No ED issues as I would often experience with females. She was pre-op and much to my surprise I wasn't really interested in her penis. It was just there (neither a positive or a negative) it was her that I was actually sexually attracted to not the penis as I somewhat expected might be the case before hand.

Anyway, like you, I am considering counseling. I'm a long way from working this all out. I'm clearly not straight and not compatible with just any girl. I do believe that there's a girl out there for me - perhaps the connection just needs to be right (I know how that could sound like a gay guy waiting for that elusive perfect girl to make me straight). I'm talking about an emotional connection as sexual performance anxiety has built up over many years and can affect performance. Having a deep connection with someone and being fully fully comfortable could be a key but also sexual connection. I'm into more kinky stuff than vanilla and am exploring the world of BDSM etc for the future.

Anyway, I really am just rambling here and talking all about myself on your post but our situations seemed so similar I thought I'd just give you a very scattered overview of where I am.

If you've got any questions then give me a shout.