Hi everyone! I just signed up on this site because I wanted to hear some opinions on my case. Since I was a kid I was more attracted to men. Soon, in the early high school years I referred as myself as bisexual but soon changing that to gay because I had no attraction to women. Since last december I've been talking online with a guy and I fell in love with him. Everything went fine until one day three weeks ago I woke up and felt like all my emotions and feelings were gone, not only towards him but towards everyone I know. Problem is that soon after that I restarted questioning my sexuality even if, if I think about my future life, in every situation, I see a man with me. Some days go on smoothly, I still have the doubt of me being bisexual, but more leaning towards the idea of being gay. During other days instead these thoughts really make me waste my day by doing nothingfor how they are filling my mind. This morning I felt some thoughts in my mind that didn't feel like they were mine, like if someone had put them in my mind. These thoughts were, everytime I saw a girl on tv, my mind was trying to force me into liking her, without being successful since I'm not attracted to women. Some people I've been talking with told me that probably I unconsciously don't accept the idea of being gay, but it sounds weird to me since I've been out to my mother and sister for 6 years now and until that day everything changed I was feeling happier than I ever did. I feel so desperate, mostly because of this "no feelings" situation, and I can't understand if there's a connection between the two things. Forgive me if my english is not 100% correct.
A. This is an easy question, because your bisexuality is nonexistent: You say that you are definitely not sexually interested in women, and yet you don't stop considering the bisexual label. What is the difference between the homosexual part of bisexuality and being gay? Why is it so difficult for you to call yourself GAY? Do you live a gay life, do you go to Arcigay, to bars, saunas and other gay meeting points? What did you achieve in the last six years of your homosexual career? Do you THINK about homosexuality instead of DOING something homosexual? Do you live in a homophobic environment, perhaps in the south of Italy? You should finally accept that your are GAY. Because you only want men! :icon_wink B. Why only online? Were you afraid of meeting him? Did you realize that he doesn't reciprocate your feelings, that your dream of a relationship with him is an illusion? In that case a depression is a normal reaction. But you said nothing about your crush as the potential cause for your present situation! Major depressive disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia C. Any other clues what happened in your life three weeks ago that erased your emotions? Let's hope that your emotions will return soon. Failing that you should ask a psychiatrist for an explanation. Anhedonia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I came out to some friends as Gay, then I regretted it & told them I was Bisexual & then one day I actually came out to myself as being Gay, the self doubt has now lifted & thanks to EC I am now grounded
I don't know. I mean, I've been out for 6 years and I've always been proud of being gay. I had no problems in making comments about guys with my sister and my mother. So really, I don't see why now I shouldn't accept myself Last monday I've started attending a meeting evening that Arcigay has set up. Other than that, I've never had real life gay friends to hang out with. At the end of the day I could say that in my six years as open homosexual I achieved nothing. I live in north of Italy but in a small city. I tell that to myself everyday, but somehow my mind still doesn't stop thinking about the possibilities. Online because he's from another continent unluckily. I wanted to meet him but I had no money to travel there. I know that a relationship with him it's an illusion, but still I thought we could be only friends. I know that he might be the cause of this situation I don't know. I thought of many things: university, not accepting my body. And also I have a fetish that I've always seen in the gay context, during those days I happened to see again (because I had already seen them) some pics in the straight context. It didn't really turn me on, but I wasn't disgusted by that too. Many people have told me that if you enjoy a straight scene of a fetish, it doesn't mean that you are not gay. And I believe that because I had already seen pics like that and I had never had problems with my sexuality, but i don't know if it could've pulled some triggers in me with the fact that I couldn't be with the guy I loved.
I throw this other option here, could this be also a Sexuality OCD? I know there's a depression or apathy at the base of it, but about the recurrent sexuality thoughts, could it be OCD?
I'm sorry if I bump my topic up again.... In the last weeks I've been visiting a psychologist. She told me that my orientation it's not my problem but I can't believe it. The doubt between if I am gay or straight it's killing me. I haveno attraction to women so I don't know why I can't stop thinking about it. Last week I was feeling good but now I am desperate. What has scared me is that yesterday while asking myself if i was gay or straight, I found myself replying that I was straight and feeling anxious for saying that. Am I unconsciously not accepting myself as gay after 13 years I have been comfortable with it? Is it the pressure of not having done a real coming out yet? The lack of experiences and relationship? I don't know...I think I'm going crazy
I came out to friends & told them I was Gay, 4 years later I was questioning my sexuality again, I knew I wasn't Straight because I was attracted to Men, I told my friends I thought I might be Bi, after all, this way, I could keep hold of the old Straight me, that everyone knew. Then Boom, one day I woke up & had a serious debate with myself & the penny dropped, "I Was Gay" I had finally came out to myself ride: Check this out http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/86872-how-accept-you-gay.html
thanks for the reply. You know what's the problem? I have already been through that years ago when i first started thinking I was gay. I labeled myself as a bisexual while I tried to find myself. One day I felt that I was attracted only to guys so I decided that I had finally discovered myself. Now I don't know if it's because of the depression, but i've started thinking about it again, even if there's no proof i am attracted to girls. I can still find girls pretty but I don't want to have sex with one or be with one. Worst part is that it seems like I've lost attraction to anyone, and when I stare at womenfor long times (even the ugly and old ones) I feel like there's something going on in my crotch, and unpleasant feeling, which drives me insane. It's not like I'm getting turned on, i just get this feeling which makes me confused.
