Confession: I have a chronic inability to lie. I just can't. It's like punching myself in the face with guilt. I forgot how, but my mom and I got into a discussion about the LGBTQ+ community. I thought it was a good opportunity to test the waters on her opinions, but I might have become a little more impassioned than I meant to be. How could I not? She literally said transmen and women were "abnormal" and should try to receive therapy to get "fixed". I tried to explain to her that being transgendered wasn't a mental illness, but I think my library of knowledge of the subject aroused her suspicions. She cut off our conversation at some point and asked if I felt like I was a girl. I tried to lie, I really did. But I ended up confessing that I wasn't a girl, not internally. She went with the "this is just a phase" route. I told her that I felt this way ever since I could remember, and that I just never found a way of describing it until now. That just made her suggest I needed therapy, and that I'm possibly traumatized by some kind of repressed event, which isn't true at all. Then she tried to prove that I couldn't possibly be a man because I still liked guys. She said I just "needed to find the right man". That was probably the most nonsensical thing I've ever heard. Long story short, she said that she wasn't going to "promote my phase", but that she isn't going to actively stop me either. I can keep my gender neutral clothing, but no men's jeans or short hair, etc. Well, at least she isn't forcing me to put on a dress or anything, though I'm worried that she might actually send me to the completely wrong kind of therapy. To be honest, she was less upset than I thought she would be...We ended our discussion on a pretty good note, actually. She said she still loves me, and I said the same. I told her that I was still the exact same child; the only thing that changed was that I exposed a part of me to her that I never did before. So what do I do now? I can't hide anymore, so what should my next steps be? Before she forced me out, she said that she honestly never really thought much about the topic before. Is there still hope to change her mind? :help:
Well, she sounds more uneducated on this then totally against it... I think there might be SOME hope, but you never know if she'll fully accept you. I think since you're already out with her, once you turn 18 you should push to look how you want too. I mean, don't do anything you're not comfortable with, but don't let her stop you either. Whatever the case, I totally support you. You kinda remind me of myself a little with this story, even though I'm a younger member of EC then you. I hope I helped just a little!
(*hug*) If she wants to send you to therapy, what about working out a deal for how you choose one? She can suggest the therapist, but if you don't like them then you can switch? Having a system might prevent an argument there. Then when you first meet the therapist you can test their stance on LGBT+ topics. If you stay consistent about how you feel and what you desire, eventually she will have to accept that it isn't a phase. Once you're 18 and a legal adult you can cut your hair, get a job, buy your own clothes, and she won't be able to prevent you. Changing your mom's stance on gender issues may be a longer process, but stay strong dude (*hug*)
Aye, just stay the course dude! Stay safe and if she doesn't let up about therapy, tell her you'll see a gender therapist, at least that way you wont be treated like a mental health patient and it might benefit you too? just a suggestion matey xx
I absolutely agree with Manta. Take her up on the offer of therapy. Make sure that it is a therapist that includes on the specialties working with LGBT+ youth. and make her agree to go to therapy with you at some point. not at first, but once you develop a rapport with the therapist, it could be a help to have the therapist explain things to her. actually, she would probably benefit from getting some therapy herself (but couldn't we all!!!)/ but for now, a therapist could help you to deal with your mother issues. (&&&)
I still have 9 months before going to college; I was planning to tell her after I actually moved into uni, but guess it came out a bit early Ah well, she'll have to admit that it's not "just a phase" in time. My mom isn't completely transphobic, just mostly unaware of LGBT+ issues. I feel like she needs a lot more information on what being trans actually means...I understand that this is new and possibly even scary to her, since she'd been brought up in a very traditional kind of family. If anyone has some links or information for parents of transgendered youths, it would be of great help! And if she does end up sending me to therapy, I'll make sure to that it would be an LGBT friendly therapist and not one of those creepy fundamentalist clinics that you hear scary stories about. To be honest, I could probably benefit from gender therapy to help sort out a lot of my own thoughts and anxieties. Thanks for all the support, guys! It really means a lot to me. (&&&)
This might be of some comfort to you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwV7ENOTeek Perhaps, your mom should see it too? She seems badly educated on the subject. Ask her if you can see a gender therapist. Good luck.
Best to you man. There are some really good TED talks out there. "Ending Gender" is a really good one.
Get a gender therapist if she makes you get therapy. But try and educate her and get out of their as soon as you can. Good luck.
for finding a "gender therapist," is that the same as a therapist that lists LGBT among their specialties? or would that be something specific that a therapist would list on their list of quals?
Here are some resources: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...mhs-gender-therapist-search-closet-ftm.html#3 OP, you might look for someone who has gender on their list... maybe amongst others... you might think about talking to someone from an lgbt center... maybe there are even support groups... just ask if you have further questions... people here wil support you... (*hug*)(*hug*)
