Rip my heart out!

I personally would tell her but make some ground rules.

And please watch for yourself, keep yourself nurtured.

You might have a look at this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/165511-lonely-looking-support.html

 

Well you know the situation best...

one rule could be to talk it out... not shying away, honest communication...

another less drama...


and you could, from time to time, think about if its the right direction this is going...
and possibly doing things to go in the direction you'd like to have...

another thing, you're basically not her guard... she could play along, maybe being more mature...
you could talk about it...

Could it be you two could learn from each other ? Your maturity and her spontaneity ?

Remember to watch out for yourself and look after yourself.
There are other possible partners...maybe the knowledge gives you self confidence.


(*hug*)

 

This might help, if you don't know already:
How to Practice Nonviolent Communication: 4 Steps (with Pictures)

My thought was also before she makes an action, she could talk it out befeorehand with you .
I understand the part with the honest communication very well. There are people we have a feeling we connect on a deeper level.

(*hug*)

I'd say its ok to have feelings, and act on them appropriately.
My thought was that she also should take some responsibility for her actions.

(*hug*)
Wish you luck

 

You might think a bit about what you want to say... the outlines...
and imagine the best outcome...

Try to take a few deep breaths there, before you see her...
and I wish you the best (*hug*)

Sometimes people act on pent up emotions. If you would communicate really openly, this might help avoiding.

I'd say do some sports over the weekend, to remove tension...
treat yourself to a nice warm bath...
and imagine a good outcome

 

I'd say keep yourself a bit busy... do a few things you like...

yes yoga should help...

relax and just say it as it is...


wish you a good outcome
(&&&)

 

Well, since you're a psych major, I think you should look up information on being codependent. This sounds very much like codependent behavior to me on your part, and possibly also hers (don't know enough about her side to tell). She has cheated on you. She has lied. She has repeatedly shown herself to be untrustworthy to you, in a very short time of knowing her. If that's how she starts a relationship, what it is like when you've known her for years? Usually, the first 6 months to a year are the honeymoon phase, when everything seems perfect. This relationship has not even managed that. And yet, you seem determined to make this fit, to "save" her, to make a happy ending with someone who has not shown you much good reason to expect one.

I know you don't want to hear this. You want the romance. You want to see only the good things in her, and in this situation. You want to believe it was meant to be. But it doesn't sound like you're holding a very high standard for who gets the privilege to be in your life, and who gets your heart. You deserve a lot better. You've probably heard the phrase "You teach people how to treat you." Well, what do you think it teaches a person when they lie, and they cheat, and they sneak around and hurt you, and you go right back with them - even when they do this in the first months of the relationship when most people are on their best behavior? It sens a very clear message - treat me as badly as you want, I will still be here to take it. And in fact, you are even saying just that, you will always be here waiting for her, whenever she decides she wants you. That is not a good way to command someone's respect for your feelings, or your strength as a person.

You say you don't like drama, but are you sure? Look honestly into yourself. If you really didn't want drama in your life, you could simply walk away when someone treats you with disrespect. Not looking back, because they have shown their true self to you, and even if they are great in other ways you demand more from the people you are around. She's not the only woman into women on Earth. And even if she were, most people would be happier being alone than being treated like that. Are you afraid of being alone with yourself? Do you have issues to resolve that you are using your crush on her to avoid? That's why a lot of people dig themselves deep into an idea of "love" with someone who is not showing them respect - because they're trying to avoid stuff in their own life, and this love stuff feels better. And a project, fixing someone else who "just needs love," or "just needs patience and understanding," feels ways better than fixing oneself, and dealing with the fact that maybe when alone, we don't really feel whole or enough.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear. But the fact is, you can't change people. The only person you have control over on this planet is yourself. And the vast majority of people ARE who they show themselves to be - the negative is every bit as much a part of them as the positive, and the negative very rarely changes - and it NEVER changes when someone has no motivation to change. And no person is motivated to change negative behaviors when they get rewarded for them, when they get love and caring and understanding no matter how many times they screw up or disregard your feelings.

I don't know if this person is thoughtless, or just doesn't have much respect for you. But the truth is, neither is likely to change, especially if you sit there waiting for her to want you whenever she decides to want you. Being in the military certainly heightens things. But the stress of going away, and of being lonely, does not have to push you into accepting less than you're worth. And she seems to be saying that she is an alcoholic - a very good reason to keep your distance, unless you want to be part of the original co-dependent model, trying to control and "save" an alcoholic. This woman sounds like she needs time alone to get her life together - not avoid her own mess by focusing on a relationship.

Maybe me saying this will push you even harder towards her. But I hope you will at least think about it, and put it in the back of your mind for later. She has not shown herself to be a very trustworthy person, and certainly not someone who should be entrusted with something as delicate and valuable as your heart. You only have one to give. If you were conducting a job interview, would you give the job to someone who stole from your office during their interview? Isn't interviewing for the position of your heart's keeper, and the person you let touch and see your body, the most exclusive job you could ever interview someone for? Why have lower standards for this extremely high-level job than you would have for a random job in a company? You only have one life, one heart, and one body - shouldn't it go to the absolute best person for the job, not just whoever happens to want it? Make everybody get in line, and have the confidence to turn people away, and you will find that the applicants try a lot harder to impress you! If you accept anybody who is halfway together like you're hiring someone to flip burgers... well, that's the quality of person you get to fill the position.

Just some thoughts. This relationship is so very young, and already it is riddled with drama. That is not normal or healthy. If someone REALLY wants to be with you, they'll do better than that. You don't need to make excuses for her. She doesn't have to be a bad person to treat you badly. She might simply not be the right person for you, or not be in a place in her life where she is ready to be what you need. I say, don't lower your standards to fit the applicant, keep your standards high and let applicants for the job compete to meet hose standards. If you value yourself more, people will sense that, and it will attract people who treat you as though you are valuable.

You can stay with her or not. But be conscious of what you are choosing if you stay. This is a choice, to open your life to her. Has she earned it? Don't you deserve better? As they say, the best predictor for future behavior is past behavior. This is where she's at now. And you need to be honest with yourself that where she's at, isn't very impressive. You don't owe it to everyone to love them despite their faults. You owe it to yourself to allow only the very best people to get close to you, to protect your body, to keep your stress low, to keep your brain happy. You owe yourself more than you will ever owe another person. A survival instinct is a really healthy, natural thing to nurture. Bringing people into your life who make it harder to survive, rather than easier, is counter-intuitive - unless that drama serves a purpose in your life in another way, like avoidance.

I say this with love. I hope you will consider it in the spirit it was intended.

 

I also refuse to live a life full of regrets. I think you should tell her how you feel even if things don't work out in your favor. At least you will be able to move on knowing that you gave it your all.

I hope everything works out!

 

This together with this

makes me think the following:
try to ease up and do things you like yourself. Let go sometimes, don't be so controlled.
Do things you like, which make you feel good, which are spontaneous, which make you feel alive. Integrate it in your daily life. It will overall lead to more stability and happyness.

This will make you a more complete person, helping you interact with other more complete persons. Attracting more complete friends etc... and feeling more complete...

You want to help other people. But you can help better if you are in a place where you feel good.

Basically you are not her nanny. If it does not turn out right, I'd just let go.

You might be in kind of a cycle where hope and fear alternate.
Try to step outside of that cycle, and to think of what is really good for you.
If you practice yoga, you probably practice meditation.
If you calm your mind, you come to a place where you just know.
Think about things in that place.

I have been in that kind of situations, too. I know its not easy.


(*hug*)

 

I'm sorry (*hug*)

But well... it gives you the opportunity to come to yourself...

 

I'd say give yourself a treat the next few days...
make yourself a few nice evenings... maybe lots of hot chocolate...


if you find some time later, you could have a look here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/166510-where-hell-all-lesbians.html#17
halfway through the text she writes a few good things about potential partners...


but for now (*hug*)

and no it was not for naught...

 

I can relate!!!!!! When my partner broke up with me almost six years ago!!!! I felt as If my heart was ripping out of my chest!!!! I knew she cared for me, I told her how much I loved her, yet I had to let her go. I tried to move on with my life and it worked for a few months, but I realized she was the woman I wanted. I am happy to say that we got back together six months later and have been together for over five years now!!!
It sounds as if YOU truly love her for her. Awesome.

I think the time apart will be great for the both of you to see whether you all can or really want to get back together once you return.

Take the time apart to become a better you. What I mean by that is my partner broke up with me for a reason, so I took the time apart from her to work on me.