Letter #2

This letter was wrote by Mike before he came out to his parents

You can view the thread discussion here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22

You can read his report on coming out here:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25

Dear Mom and Dad,
I am writing you this letter at 2:00 am because I am having yet another sleepless, hunger less night; One of many this last week.
The reason for this is because I have something I need to tell you both. Something I am sure you have known for a while, it’s also something that hurts my soul to think about and have to tell you. But Mom and Dad…I am gay.

I know deep down you are probably very upset right now and also very hurt, as am I. But this is something that has been plaguing my mind for a very long time now and I no longer want to be depressed about it, there are man times these past few years when I have deeply considered suicide because I didn’t want to come to terms with this. And I have had a true hatred for myself. But I think it is important to include you in all aspects of my life. And I don’t want you to feel betrayed in any way for not ever knowing. I love you and although right now you may feel otherwise about me I just want to let you know this has nothing to do with how you have raised me as a person. This is no ones fault, if anything you have helped to show me how everyone should be treated equally and fairly and be loved no matter what. You have also instilled basic values in my life that I know I will use and believe in till I die.

I also want you to know nothing will change in the way I am as a person. I am still and always will be your loving caring boy. Just because of this, it doesn’t change me. And yes I know life will be hard, but it’s nothing I haven’t already dealt with or know how to handle. Plus hopefully you will be there for me.

For the longest time I have planned on never telling anyone and eventually just hoping it would go away, but I now realize it isn’t a choice and I will have to live with this my whole life, not that this is a bad thing either, it is just different. I really hope you don’t hate me, for there is enough of that in the world, and I need as much support as possible.

I have come to a point in my life, especially with being away and on my own that I have had to deal with and realize a lot about myself and life. For the longest time I have been hoping to come on exchange not only to learn a new language and way of life, but also to get away from me. I thought by doing this I could put it behind me but I now realize I have had more time to think than ever before.
And I am sorry I have had to write this in a letter and not tell you in person but I am both afraid of my own reaction and my health, for having to wait any longer. I know you both probably have many questions and I am prepared to answer them. I also understand if it takes you along time to call and talk to me, for this is a very hard and personal subject.

This letter is disgustingly hard for me to write since I feel terrible about having to do it. Not because I don’t want you to know, but because I am afraid, trembling in fact. I have so many worries rushing though my brain right now about everything but mostly is the little hope I have that you will accept me and love me still and know I, no matter what, will still love you both as much as ever before.

I am so sorry for having to do this and I hope you don’t feel burdened by it, but I feel it necessary so as to not have to talk with you and feel although I am lying or hiding some terrible thing. Even though it is an everyday thing not to be ashamed of. I want you, and everyone, to always be apart of my life and I hate having to do this though it is for the better in the long run.

Well I have plenty more to write but I don’t want this to be any more overwhelming then it probably already is. So I will end this and let you talk it over and such. I just want you to know this is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. And that I will love you forever no matter what.

Much love.
Your son,
Michael