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Letter #4

This letter was wrote by Martin before he came out to his parents.

You can view the thread discussion here:

You can read his report on coming out here:


Dear Mum,

I’m sorry for saying all this by a letter but I think this is the best way and gives us time to think about it before talking later on. All I ask is that rather than tell anybody you wait and talk to me first.

I am writing this letter to tell you that I am gay. It’s something that I have suspected for years but have only managed to accept over the last year or so. I have always known that something was different and believe that I was born this way. It has just taken me so long to realise because there has always been something else going on in our lives that we have not had time to sit around thinking about ourselves.

I know this is not a phase and is who I am meant to be. I would have told you sooner but you would have been just as confused as I was. I wouldn’t have been able to answer any questions you would have because I wouldn’t know myself. At least now you will be able to see I have accepted it and I am happy this way. It may go against expectations people have of me such as getting married and having children, but those are nothing but what other people think I should do with my life. There is no guarantee I would have done them even if I wasn’t gay. I have not told you and other people for this reason, but the older I get the more these start being mentioned and eventually you would have found out anyway. It’s just better sooner rather than later.

You may have noticed that whenever anybody mentioned me having children or being married that I had absolutely no reaction to it or I would just look at the floor or act like I wasn‘t listening. I knew that wasn’t something I wanted and it’s not something I am willing to spend my life doing just so others can be happy. This is who I am and if they cannot accept that then the problem is with them, not me. I can try and help you (and everybody else) understand who I am, it will only work if you want it to.

I’m sorry for saying all this by a letter but it’s the only way to be sure that I actually will tell you. Know that I love you, and that this does not change who I am. I hope that you can be happy and proud for me. I’m still the same person I always was. I should be home in about an hour or so, and I’ll try and answer any questions you may have.

Love Martin.

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